Symptom?

I'm smelling vinegar. And there is no vinegar around.

Am I having a stroke?
Is this a symptom of a migraine?

This happens occasionally, but I've quit telling people. They look at me like I'm crazy.

I smell Krispy Kremes sometimes too, but that's just because Krispy Kremes are messy and I usually end up getting some on my keyboard or mouse.

**Update**
Apparently when film breaks down (or something) it emits a vingear smell. And we have old films in the room right around the corner from me. Mystery solved. And I'm not having a stroke.

Third Time's A Charm?

Or, Yet Another Migraine.

It's getting a little old now. The squigglies started as I was shutting down to go home last night and the headache hit a mere 15 minutes later. Right in the middle of the drive home. Which is quite scary. When those squigglies start, I have no peripheral vision at all.

Makes me think of seeing lightning, then counting until the thunder comes. I usually get about 30 minutes or so between the squigglies and the headache. They're getting closer together now. Does that mean my head will explode when they hit at the same time?

Mom's right. Time for a doctor's appointment. I went to the eye doctor two Fridays ago and he said it sounded like they were just (JUST!) ocular migraines, but if they start to happen more frequently (more than two in two months?) I should talk to my primary doctor. He also upped my prescription for my lenses and said I should start wearing my glasses when driving, watching TV or anything that takes any kind of focused attention. It seems that my eyes are very tired and strained because the left eye is weak and working really, really hard to keep up with the right. Damn left eye. He also said I have "very large" optic nerves and my pressure is on the high side normal. So, I have to go back in June for a laser glaucoma test. Whee.

The friends I've talked to who have migraines say that stress is a big factor. I think I am probably less stressed right now than I have been in the past two years. So what the hell does that mean?

I now chart them, along with what I'm eating that day and I'm finding no connection. Some people say it can be hormonal and related to a woman's cycle, but that ain't it either.

I blame the new brighter than shit marmoleum floor in the clinic. Damn floor.

Ooh. Would that be worker's comp?

Impromptu Picnic!

This evening, Jessica and I broke in the brand new picnic backpack for the first picnic of the season!

It was a beautiful day here and still about 58 degrees when we got home from work.


My goodness, I look tired. Must have been a long day.....


The BackPack.


Veggie burgers on spelt buns with chips and salsa.

And our view of the locks.

Happy 5 Year Anniversary Mom!

Five years ago, my mom had half of her left lung removed due to lung cancer. According to the American Lung Association, the expected 5-year survival rate for all patients in whom lung cancer is diagnosed is 15.5 percent.

Only 15.5 percent of lung cancer patients live to see their 5 year anniversary of diagnosis.

And my mother is one of them.

Pardon me while I cry.

I had started to go into the whole story of the surgery and sleeping in the hospital room with her for a week and the incompetent nurse that didn't even know that you could unhook the suction tube from the wall so mom could go to the bathroom and the whole epidural fiasco (they put it in the WRONG PLACE) and all the other sad painful memories that, honestly, I would just like to forget....

But then I thought, this is not the day for remembering those painful memories. We've been doing that for five years. This is the day to celebrate mom. And the fact that she's still with us.

So, raise your glasses!

*clink*

To my mama. I love you.

Homesick, Blue, Blah....

I woke up this morning and had a hankering for my youth. So I made Coco Wheats and watched Looney Tunes while wrapped up in my jammies and a blanket. Gossamer is my favorite. And this scene where Bugs is doing Gossamer's nails and talking about how monsters are so int-er-resting.

I think I'm homesick. That's the only time I crave Coco Wheats.

And while we're reminiscing, here's my very first coffee mug. Yes, I used to drink coffee out of it when I was a wee pup.

Today is gray. In many ways. Yes, the sky is overcast and there are a few raindrops on my window, but I'm just a little blue, too.

But K-Ski is coming over for dinner! I'm making enchiladas and we'll watch The Committments and get our Glen on. I do love me a red headed Irish boy.....

Haircut!

Nothing drastic. Still long. Not "mermaid" long, but it will be again by Halloween. Just "healthy" long.

And in all 12 pictures I took, my boobs look ENORMOUS. I tried to tone them down for you, but it just ain't happening. Flaunt 'em if ya got 'em, right?

Love, The Universe II

I forgot to bring lunch today.

I made an Amy's pizza last night for dinner and only ate half of it (I know! Only half!) so I was going to bring the other half for lunch. But in my morning routine of rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off, pulling my boots on while balancing my breakfast (english muffin and soy sausage patty) in my hand, grabbing keys/cell phone/iPod and hauling ass out the door with 50 lbs of wet hair flapping behind me because it takes too damn long to dry it all, I forgot to grab the pizza out of the fridge.

But the universe saw my dilemma and provided.

We had our monthly Admin Assistants meeting and because yesterday was Administrative Professionals Day (*ahem*) this meeting was catered. Little quiches, caprese, brownies and lemon bars. And while it doesn't sound like the best lunch, after 12 little quiches, a couple of disks of mozzarella and a brownie, I am well satiated. And I can bring the pizza tomorrow.

A good day, indeed.

Now What Will I Bitch About During Seahawks Games?

It's finally happened. Shaun Alexander has been released.

If you remember, dear reader, I've done a little complaining about him. Yes, he was great seven years ago, but he's just not the big star he used to be and Holmgren was having a hard time accepting that. He kept relying on Alexander and Alexander just wasn't producing results. And in turn, we were losing games.

Well, now he's gone. Whew.

I don't want to celebrate too much because 1) that would just be mean and you know I'm not mean and 2) I don't want to jinx it and have the two new running backs suck worse than Alexander. So let's just say, here's looking forward to this season and some young, fresh talent.

Yum.
Young, fresh talent.......

*sigh*

I'm so pathetic.

Warning! Baby Meter at 274%

Rachelle and I stopped by to see her new nephew last night after our walk.

And I held the baby.

Bad decision for someone whose eggs are already trying to fertilize themselves because they are jonseing for offspring. Very bad decision.

Because last night, I dreamed that a doctor was shoving eggs (apparently the size of chicken eggs) into my uterus, but the eggs were in a styrofoam cup, complete with plastic lid. I can't remember if there were straws. She got four of them in and went for another and I said, "Are those all going to fit?!" She laughed and said, "Oh yes. Don't worry. Women do this all the time." Someone was there holding my hand, but I can't remember who.

I understand the whole putting-eggs-in-the-uterus part, but what's up with the styrofoam cups?

Dream Moods has nothing for styrofoam cups.

Oh Yeah, Happy Earth Day!

And in honor of Earth Day, let me share with you what I found on Aunt Purl's blog. EnviroSax - reusable bags in all kinds of pretty colors. Fantastic!

Seattle is moving toward charging for grocery bags, be it plastic or paper so we're being encouraged (see: forced) to find an alternative. I use the plastic bags for my garbage, so I'll still have to get/buy them every now and then, but these reusable bags would be so much better for all the quick little trips I make to the Big BM.

And since they fold up so small, I may get the packet of five (when I'm spending money again) and try to keep them in my glove box. Hip, fashionable and environmentally friendly.

Speaking of environmentally friendly, I will be signing up for a bus pass Thursday. What prompted this? I paid $3.64 for gas this morning. Ruby, a little ol' Hyundai Elantra (recently washed and beautified) took $50 to fill up. I had a momentary panic. This is our way of life now. I have to save money to put gas in my car. Gas will never be under $2 ever again, will it?

The movie "Total Recall" springs to mind. Everyone is wearing grey (apparently, they don't make clothes in pretty colors in the future), it's all dusty, people look sad. And they're paying $25 for a gallon of gas.

Time to....say it with me.....get back On The Wagon and start bussin' it again. It will be easier when it STOPS SNOWING. Did I tell you it snowed this weekend? The third weekend in April? It snowed? Yes. Snowed. I'm not walking a mile in this weather just to get to work. Totally not worth it. But in nice weather, it's a lovely walk around the lake. And then I don't have to worry about walking in the evenings. It's a win win situation really.

So happy Earth Day!
Go hug a tree.

Quiet Ballard Woman Strangles Upstairs Neighbor. News at 11.

I think Esther (aka Ms. Eybrows From Hell) is an insomniac. Or just a bitch. She woke me up at 2:30am, clomping around. Then again at 5:30am. NO ONE screws with my sleep. NO ONE. Especially a little five foot tall chick who APPEARS to weigh only 110 pounds but is secretly packin' an extra 50 pounds in her feet. AIN'T HAPPENIN'. There will be a talking to this evening.

So, try as might, I'm just cranky. I hate being cranky. Makes for a miserable day. And it makes me want wine. Lots and lots of wine.

But Nichole has suggested we head to World Wrapps for lunch. You know what that means! Bento box! Life will be so much better after that. And I have my walk with Rachelle this evening, during which we will pop in and see her knew nephew, whose name I can't remember because it starts with an "X" but it's not Xavier. I think it's something warlocky or witchcrafty.

Anywho.

Bento box, walk, baby time.
It's all good.

I will not let Esther ruin my day.....

This Just In! I Have A Character Flaw

Shocking. I know.

I met with someone today about playing music [cue "Back in the saddle again...."] and here's where my character flaw came to light.

But first....

I haven't played much at all since The Break Up. I haven't written any new songs, I haven't sang in front of people. Actually, I couldn't play "Dream Song Thingbob" (forgive the title) without crying for months. I'm over that now, but I'm still not doing anything productive. If artists derive their art from pain, I should have a double length cd written by now, right?

Nope. Nuthin'.

So, I impulsively answered a couple of craigslist ads looking for singers. And I didn't tell anyone about it because I wanted the option of backing out without looking like a weenie. After some emails and myspace sharing, I met Tbone (not his real name and not Burnett) in person and played him some of my originals. He liked them. Which made me feel like I haven't lost it completely.

Enter character flaw.

I tend to hijack the conversation. I'm asked a yes or no question ("Do you like the band so-n-so?") and six minutes later I'm talking about what I had for dinner last night and that my favorite color is red. And the person says, "Uh, where was I going with that?"

Crap.

I chalk it up to nervous energy. I talk too much when I'm nervous. Did I ever tell you that my kindergarten and elementary school teachers used to write that I talked too much on my report cards? Quite the motor mouth, I was.

I also deduce that I babble because it's my way of being interested in the conversation. I'm not one to ask a lot of questions because it annoys me to have conversations with people who just pummel you with questions and never throw their two cents in and you feel like you're on a stage being interviewed under a heat lamp. So I don't ask questions because I don't want to pummel people but I'm still pummeling these poor people because I'm rambling about a Kia commercial and how depressing folk singers really INSPIRE ME when I simply should have said, "Yes. I like them."

They say acknowledging the problem is the first step to solving it.

Problem = Acknowledged.

Tbone, I promise keep the babbling to a minimum and let you finish a thought next time. Honest.

The Checker At Safeway Thinks I'm A Whore

Oh, she didn't say it, but I could see it on her face.

I guess it doesn't bode well for me, does it?

In my defense, the strawberries and whip cream are for brunch tomorrow with Jamie and her friends and I needed new batteries for my little iPod speakers I use in the bathroom (yes, it's crucial to my survival). And I'm starting to get a cold so when I saw these tissues, I thought "How perfect for the boudoir!" because I know I'll be needing tissues soon.

So see? Not a whore, Ms. Judgemental Safeway Checker Woman.

What else can I tell ya?

I had a big adventure today! I took the bus downtown ALL BY MYSELF. I met Nichole for a movie and lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. And while I was waiting for her, I was reminded of why I don't go downtown. The crazies.

A man, also waiting on someone and who looked perfectly normal, asked me what movie I was seeing. I told him Smart People. Before I could ask what he was seeing, he told me, "Oh, I'm seeing The Forbidden Kingdom it's the oldest fictional story in history it's about a god who is part man and part monkey so you know, like God, and it traces history back to the ancient deities and the war between them and then......"

And then I gently turn and walk away. After that, I kept my angry face on. It tends to deter anyone from speaking to me. I use it a lot when I'm downtown. I can't believe I forgot to put it on when I left home this morning. That'll teach me.

Anway, Nichole and I saw the movie, had lunch, I hopped back on the bus, and home I came. To lounge in my jammies and snooze on the couch until I remembered I needed to get something for brunch tomorrow.

Which brings us back to Ms. Judgemental Safeway Checker Woman. She made me feel icky. I think a soakie and some reading is in order. Then I will rest up for brunch. New people. Gotta be on. Maybe straighten my hair. Paint my nails. Floss.

And then maybe some Milo time after that. I should take him for a walk. Because I need to burn off all the cake I've been eating. And the half a piece of cheesecake I had a lunch.....and then the other half at dinner.....ack.

Eyelashes = [bat, bat]

My horoscope for today:

The universe is amplifying your charm level now -- use it to get what you want.

I suddenly hear Kristin's voice in my head:
"WORK IT, GIRLFRIEND!"

Hmmmm....
What do I want?

Random Thoughts

Couscous smells like dried cat food when it's reheating. If you can get past that, it's still pretty good.

**********

I think I'm actually sick of chocolate cake. And I think I've gained five pounds since Saturday.

**********

Ms. Traveler will be happy to hear this.
There is a neighbor that I blatantly stalk. Ms. Traveler actually pointed him out to me when we were coming back from a walk. He's a cutie. Drives a work truck. Has a tool belt. Yum. When I say "blatantly stalk" I mean get up from my chair, walk across the living room and stand at the window when I see his truck drive by to watch him park and walk by.

I saw him drive by this evening, so I went to the window to look oh so casual. And he lifted a two year old boy out of his truck and held his hand as they walked to his apartment. The guy isn't wearing a ring, so who's the boy?

*sigh*

I'm exhausted now.

**********

What's my big plan this evening you ask?
I may clean my keyboard with these nifty little pre-moistened q-tipy things and then after that, oh gosh, I don't know, maybe bleach the hair on my lip.

Ah, the life of a single gal. Craziness I tell ya.

Craziness.

**********

I haven't spent any money in two days and I am FREAKIN' OUT. There's talk of a happy hour on Friday, brunch on Sunday, maybe a dinner next week. What am I going to do?!

**********

I think I want a piece of cake....

**********

I read Charlotte's Web for the first time.
It was just okay.

Does that make me un-American?

**********

Okay, I've had my hot bath, I've read more of Obama's book, now it's time for bed. My bedtime keeps getting earlier and earlier. Actually, I laid down at 8:30pm last night. Fell asleep, woke up at 11:30pm and thought, "Oh crap! What time is it?!" Not even midnight, that's what time it is. Sad. Very sad.

But tomorrow night Jamie is coming over for dinner. And I'm hanging out with Darragh Friday night. Brunch and a haircut on Sunday. Maybe some Milo time on Saturday. Life will be picking up again here soon......

Where The Hell's My Shaw, Sonny?!

My first day as a 33 year old and what did I do this evening?

I hand stitched the holes in the satin edge of my blanket and watched Jeopardy, while yelling out the answers, then cracking up because I had no idea what the answers really were but damn, I'm funny!

All I need are ten cats and a funky smell coming from the kitchen.

What man wouldn't want this?

Welcome Back! SLAP!

Oh, how I miss my jammies.

Apparently, the universe (and maybe one of my bosses) was not at all happy that I was gone for two days because today has been a bitch. A big ol' bitch. And all I can think about is Jamie's chocolate cake and my opened bottle of wine from last night.

They call to me. They promise to make it all better.

Maybe I'll take a walk first.
To justify more cake.....

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well! What a wonderful weekend!

Friday, I was up early and spent the day shopping. I met up with Jamie at Macy's and bought a cutsie new dress for the spa day. How did I choose out of all of the dresses I tried on? It was the only one that didn't make me grunt in the dressing room. Perfect! After shopping, we met up with some of her co-workers for drinks. Home early and in bed to rest up for Spa Day.

Which takes us to Saturday!

**********

Part I of Raechelle's Birthday Extravaganza!

Aren't we a group of hotties? From left to right, we have Val, me, Jessica, Nichole, Cyn, Jamie and Rachelle. Kim joined us for brunch and the spa, but had to run home in between to tend to Milo. He was sick.

We gathered at my place at 11am, then caravaned to Volterra for brunch. We finished up earlier than I expected, so we grabbed some coffee and lounged in the sun for a bit before heading to the spa. That's when this photo was taken. We were attracting all kinds of attention in our little spring dresses.

At the spa, we got buffed, massaged and polished. A few got facials, a few got pedicures and one choose a manicure. As we left, I made the comment we were a gaggle of polished beauty! Nichole laughed her ass off and said "That needs to be the title of your blog post!"

We caravaned back to my place. A couple of the gals needed to head home, but a few stayed and K-Ski came over since she missed out on the brunch and spa-ing. We sat and bonded and ate cake that Jamie made (from SCRATCH! That was FANTABULOUS!) and drank champagne for a few hours. I was asked to gaze at the cake for a photo op.

This is a gift from Nichole that was too perfect not to post. A martini glass with red undies all over it. And the recipe for the Red Panty drink.

After cake, champagne and presents, it was time for Part II of Raechelle's Birthday Extravaganza!

My Sheauns cooked me dinner. I was supposed to be at McP's at 8pm, but after drinking champagne for three hours, I called for a driver and Darragh was sent over to chauffeur me. We ate out in McP's backyard under clear sky with bright stars. There was bread with tapenade, salad, baked chicken, a rice pilaf and, of course, more champagne.

After dinner, and yet another chocolate cake, this one from Dilettante's (oy but yum) we watched The Big Lebowski and played with my digital camera. Here's a few (out of 42) photos for your enjoyment.

**********

Nothing blogworthy happened on Sunday.

**********

I was up earlier than preferred this morning so I treated myself to breakfast at Vera's down in Ballard. And since today was my LAST DAY OF SHOPPING OH MY GAWD, I splurged (as much as you can splurge at Ross) and bought a red throw for the couch, a couple of tank tops and new baskets for the bathroom. Now, I have a basket on the back of the toilet for my hair stuff and a matching basket under the sink for my bath stuff. I am very happy.

After arranging baskets this evening, I cooked my birthday dinner - sea scallops on a bed of lemon herb couscous with asparagus. And wine. Yum.

And there will be cake later. You can bet on it.

Ah.......now I'm looking forward to taking a soakie with some lavender bath oil, a gift from K-Ski, and reading more of Obama's book, and having my last glass of wine.

Then I go back to work tomorrow. Poo.

All in all, not a bad start to my Christ year, doncha think?

Happy Friday!

As I sit here in my jammies, looking out into an beautiful, sunny day with absolutely no clouds in the big blue sky (it's been so long!), it occurs to me that I could very well be a morning person.

If it weren't for that damn job.

Yes, my day off and I'm up at 8:30am. You've heard the term "sleep like a rock?" Well, friends, I slept like a rock last night. I didn't even stir when Jessica got up and left at 6:30am. Normally I can hear her alarm go off, but not this morning. I woke up at 7:45am and thought, "Oh shit! Is Jessica still sleeping?!" I ran out to the living room, but she was gone. And I was baffled. I can't believe I didn't wake up. As a matter of fact, I don't think I woke up at all during the night. That's rare. At least once, I'll turn over and look at the clock when it's 2 or 3am.

I guess the lack of sleep Wednesday night (I never really slept. I just couldn't get comfortable), along with the two glasses of wine last night, are just what the doctor ordered for rock sleeping. Good to know.

And boy howdy, I feel good today. Tiny bit of a headache left, but I'm optimistic that it will fade. I love days like this! I've already balanced my checkbook and had breakfast. I have some last minute shopping to do for the post spa festivities tomorrow and I need to tidy up around here. I may sneak a walk in to downtown Ballard.

Ah...... you can feel work and stress and ickiness slip away, can't you?

Or is that just me? Are you sitting at work, reading this and cursing me under your breath?

So sorry.

Remember I have Monday off too, so save some of that seething for then.

Happy Friday!

My Head, It Aches

I have a migraine again. Started yesterday, at lunch. Got the squigglies, an hour later the headache hit. Took Advil. It did no good.

So I went home last night, pulled the shades, and crawled into bed. I just wanted darkness.

It's better this morning, but my eyes are still sore. I was sitting in my office with the lights off and everyone, of course, had to pop their little head in and make some snarky comment. "You forget to pay your electric bill?" "Tryin' to create a mood in here?"

Sometimes, I hate this place.

Anywho, a facilities worker popped in for a different issue that I had called about (I'm very high maintenance today) and mentioned that I could request softer bulbs in my overhead lights. He hadn't even finished his sentence before I was on the work order website putting in my room and budget numbers. About 30 minutes later, Gordon showed up with new light bulbs. He said he wasn't sure they were softer, but we'll give it a whirl and see what we can do.

He spent 20 minutes in here trying different bulbs, taking one bulb out of each fixture, turning off one fixture completely. Anything to make it more bearable. We decided on the warmer bulbs (more red tones, instead of blue) and only one in each fixture instead of two. So far, not bad. The facilities guy suggested too that I get a flourescent bulb for my lamp. I'm thinking that will be too painful, but I'll give it a try. If I have to sit in this artificially lit closet all day, I need to to do something to make it easier on my head.

I also made an eye appointment for next week. Which should tell you how miserable I am. I'd rather throw my feet in stirrups and hang my naked ass off a table than get an eye exam. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

But it's been two years, so it's possible my deteriorating eyesight may have something to do with the headaches. Unfortunately, I don't think my ass is the culprit. Bummer.

Well, I Declare!

I am making a declaration! I mean it!

And if I put it on the blog, well then, I have to adhere to it. You people hold me accountable, whether you know it or not.

{ahem}

As of April 15th, I will go 30 days without purchasing anything that is not essential for my survival. This includes:

• Nightstands or anything else for the boudoir
• Clothing
• Shoes
• Hanky Pankies
• Wine (unless it's part of the grocery shopping trip - cut me some slack)
• Manicures
• Bubble bath
• Movies (even $3 Crest movies)

In addition to not shopping, I will limit myself to one (1) meal out per week, with adult beverages. ONE. This "meal" includes breakfasts and lunches.

Of course, there are a few exemptions (aren't there always?)

• Morning coffee. It's $7 a week. I pay more than that for underwear now.
• Massages are, in fact, "essential for my survival", so I will keep my future appointments.
• Anything purchased with gift certificates. Cause I can't pay bills with gift certificates.
• Mother's Day cards.

I am motivated to get those credit card bills down! MOTIVATED! Why? I don't know. Let's not question it. Let's just declare, and then hope for the best. And 30 days seemed like a good trial period. If it goes well, and I don't die, well maybe I'll do it for another 30 days. And if I do it for a few 30 days in row, maybe I'll get my credit cards paid off before I'm 60.

The key to success will be enlisting Jamie's help.

As a matter of fact, Jamie, my enabler, has initiated a shopping trip tomorrow evening. She does not know about this genius plan yet. I committed to shopping before I came up with it. This is why the plan starts on the 15th. Well, that and my Birthday Brunch-n-Spa day is Saturday.

So, between now and Tuesday (did I mention I took Friday off? I have some shopping to do......) I will live life to the fullest in Target and Nordstrom. But come Tuesday! I am On The Wagon.

I spend a lot of time On The Wagon, don't I?
Sad.

Anyway, I will be On The Wagon! I will pay off my credit cards! I will put money in savings! I will start off year 34............wait.

My Christ year is 33. April 14th means I have completed my 33rd year of life. I've ALREADY HAD my Christ year. Your Christ year is your pivotal year!

Well. Last year WAS the big pivotal year, wasn't it? Huh. Or does your Christ year start on your 33rd birthday, going into your 34th year? Anyone?

(Exceptionally funny thing here - I googled "your christ year" to find clarification and the first site to pop up was my blog. It's a weird full circle kind of thing.)

Where was I?

Oh, right.

Here I go! Responsible adult! It's only 30 days. I can do this!

Wish me luck.
Send gift cards.

Kitchen Makeover!

Wala! A little colorful wrapping paper and my kitchen shelf is TRANSFORMED!

Okay, maybe not transformed, but prettyfied. Right? I may do the little panels on the pantry door, too, but Jessica's had enough Martha Stewart fun for tonight.

Breaking News!

Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream has replaced Ben & Jerry's Half Baked frozen yogurt as my favorite ice creamy treat. It's all downhill from here.

Also, Sunday evening is the absolute worse time to go grocery shopping. They're out of everything.

Yes, I left the house. Shock and amazement.

I hit Paper Zone, Marshall's, Sears, Target, and Ballard Market. I came home with gift boxes, tissue paper, shampoo, wine, ice cream, broccoli and the book "Dreams from My Father" by Obama, which I plan to start in about 15 minutes when I'm in a scalding hot bath with my glass of wine. It's a nice way to top off a lazy day.

Sunday Blahs

I'm blue today. Not sure why. So, of course, I'm overanalyzing it and trying to figure out just where the "blue" is and why.

Which makes me even more blue.

I could be tired. I blame the drive to Covington last night for the monthly gals' dinner. After dinner, we all went back to Nichole's and had birthday cake. She bought me an ice cream cake. My first ever. Then she barked at me to "blow out the goddamn candles, Raechelle, they're melting on the cake!" I love Nichole. She reminds me a lot of my mom. Nichole may not be so flattered to hear that.

Anyway, since we were all just lounging around, I didn't leave her place until 11pm or so. I got home and went straight to bed, and slept pretty well until 7am when my new upstairs neighbor, Esther (who I fear may be a morning person), started clomping around. She must have left around 7:30am, because it got quiet again, so I slept until 9:30am.

Then, since I was blinded by sunlight, I figured I'd make the most of the nice day and go for a walk. Couldn't hurt to burn off the mud pie ice cream cake from last night. It was a good walk. I wanted a new route, so I maybe slightly inadvertently but maybe on purpose walked by The Ex's place. And I maybe felt like a stalker. Nothing noteworth except all of the blinds are down and his car has a new hole in the side.

Funny thing. I've dreamed about him for the past two nights (source of the blue?). In one dream, I was visiting him and was just appalled at the state of the apartment. Then he morphed into a creepy doctor I work with. In the other dream, I was visiting him again and he was making dinner. We were hugging and I remember thinking, "Why bother? It's not like this relationship is ever going to go anywhere." He asked me to put his cell phone away because he didn't want to be bothered and as I was putting it in the drawer of the coffee table, I noticed the screensaver was a picture of me. Then I was sitting on the couch and his girlfriend came over with her parents. And she was none too happy that I was there. And that's it. So he was on my mind as I set out this morning.

Got home from my walk, stretched, ate some breakfast, took a shower, then just sat in my new chair and stared out the window while I drank my tea. And I have no plans for day. None. How weird is that? My Sheauns are both traveling, Jamie has to study, Val's out of town, Rachelle has Date Morning with her man on Sundays......

I'm all alone.
I don't think I'm handling it well.
Could very well be PMS.

I'm not used to this downtime. I know it's good for me, but then I beat myself up because there are things I should be doing. That's what I want on my headstone - "But there are things I should be doing!!"

I should call my ex-sis-in-sin. I've been wanting to see her for a month and just haven't had the time to get up there and visit. I should call my ex-aunt-in-sin to see how she's recuperating after a recent medical procedure she had done. I should go see Milo and Kim. I should go grocery shopping. I should take my vacuum in for servicing since I've never had it serviced in the five years I've had it AND I have a 50% off coupon. I should get my hair trimmed. I should take the pile of stuff in my corner to Goodwill. I should sneak into Shaun's apartment and do laundry (and clean for him - because I'm good like that.) I should do SOMETHING! I feel like I'm wasting the day.

But I can't seem to move from this chair. My mind is on overload with everything it wants to do, but my body is not cooperating. Maybe it's already exhausted from what's coming up: Monday: Jessica. Tuesday: walking, Wednesday: massage, maybe shopping with Jamie, Thursday: maybe shopping with Jamie if Wednesday doesn't work, Friday: happy hour with Jamie and her school buds. I may take Friday off. I have Monday, the 14th, off (because, ahem, it's my birthday) so why not just take Friday off too and make it a four day weekend?

Honestly, I just want to go back to bed.

Ooh, my Carrie Bradshaw moment:

At what point do we listen to our bodies and just do what it wants, without thinking there's something wrong?

Hair Update

I have discovered the timer feature on my camera. Lucky for you.

Because my arms are not long enough to do the self portrait and get all of the hair. Yes, it's that long. Actually, it could use a trim. It's been since October.

I'm not as stoned as I look. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm waiting for a camera to take my photo, ya know?

If I can refrain from whacking it all off (it's becoming a major pain in the ass) I will be a mermaid for Halloween. An "authentic" mermaid. Well, maybe with pasties. Because pasties are very fashionable these days. No sir, not just for strippers anymore!

Somewhat of an Update

There's nothing too interesting to share right now. But it's been a busy week, nonetheless.

Monday, Jessica stayed over, which meant dinner out. Never a bad thing.
Tuesday, walking Greenlake with Rachelle and then dinner with Shaun.
Wednesday, There Will Be Blood* with McP and his roommate.
Thursday, Jamie's birthday! So, dinner and drinks.
Today, death.

Because I got a wild hair and had pork shoulder (who knew?) at dinner last night and oh gawd, my stomach is not at all happy about this. My muscles are actually sore from trying to move this shit along (no pun intended). Lesson learned. I don't do red meat. Unless it's bacon. But is bacon really red meat? It's mostly fat, right? So, apparently, my body is fine with eating straight fat, but it has a slight problem with actual meat.

Well, okay fine.

Tonight was supposed to be a work happy hour, but I just want to go home and fall asleep on the couch. Much like last night.

*Now, about this movie. I am not a Daniel Day Lewis fan. And I take a lot of crap for this. The Sheauns try to tell me he's most likely the best actor of our time, I MUST see In The Name Of The Father, blah blah blah. Don't care. Still don't like him. He's just a little too intense for me. But I went to this movie because 1) it was only $3, 2) McP is going out of town for a while and I wanted to see him before he left and 3) I thought I should see at least one Oscar nominated movie.

And it was just okay. I didn't get the hugeness of it all. I kept waiting for the big crux and I don't feel like it ever came. Even McP thought it didn't live up to the hype.

But oh, the best part of the movie? When DDL gets slapped around by a preacher kid. I thoroughly enjoyed that.

Now That's More Like It!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Work could take a back seat to your personal enjoyment today. A romantic interlude could highlight the day, whether with a current love interest or perhaps somebody new. Be alert and look for the signs.

And as if to reinforce this, a co-worker just sent me an email:

"Interested in a blind date? He's 6'1", likes sports, motorcycles, cars, fine food, and travel. Here are some pics in case you can't see his page. Lemme know!"

Wheee!

And from the Houston Chronicle:

ARIES (March 21-April 19). Why save your dollars for a rainy day? It's so much more fun to spend money on a sunny one! Anyhow, rain or shine, you're due for a splurge. You reinforce your belief in abundance by spending bigger.

Ironically enough, I just got a lovely little birthday gift card in the mail! And it's actually sunny today!

The universe is lovin' Raechelle!

And I need more coffee!

Gimme A Break, Will Ya?

My horoscope from the Seattle Times today:

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The future is not what it used to be. You may be faced with a drastic change or a new group of people. As alarming as it may sound this could have a dramatic yet positive influence on your future.

Um. How is this new news?
I believe that "drastic change" and that "new group of people" took place last summer.

Unless....

Oh no....

Does this mean yet ANOTHER drastic change is on it's way?

Oh, for the love of puppies! What could possibly happen now?! I just got a new gang! I've been so good! My social life is on fire! I haven't cried in, like, MONTHS!

I like the whole "positive influence" part, but come on! I cannot take another DRASTIC CHANGE.

It sounds bad. Doesn't it sound bad? It could be good, but I'm not in the most positive frame of mind today, so it just sounds bad. Ominous. More drama. I don't want anymore drama. I've been drama free for months now. I just want normal. Ho-hum. No drastic changes. No new group of people.

Another drastic change will break me.
I mean it.

No more changes. Please?
No more.....