Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
A mother and her two kids, probably ages two and four, were sitting next to me. I heard the mother say "Pardon me?" a couple of times when one of the kids would mumble. That's good, I thought. Teach 'em well. But when the waitress came over and asked her a question, the woman replied with "What?" And not just once, but three times.
That doesn't seem like a very consistant method......
Holy shit! The Raiders just returned a kick for a 90 yard touchdown. Where the hell were the Seahawks?!
REI is having a major sale. So major, in fact, I may have to go back this weekend. Yes, I know I need a mattress, pots and pans and a microwave (is registering for housewarming gifts too gauche?) but I may not be able to resist the picnic backpack that I've been oogling for two years. And they already have their sweaters out and marked down. Fall's coming!
I got reprimanded for hogging the guest parking spot at Shaun's place. There was a note on my car last night when I got home. And then another one this morning when I left for work. Since the note was signed and even had the unit number on it, I paid a visit to Mr. Mean Letter Writer when I got home. I was very nice and apologetic. But I made a point to mention that I just ended a very long relationship, I've been couch surfing for two months, the apartment I originally had fell through because they're being turned into condos, and I'll be leaving Shaun's for good next Thursday (fingers=crossed).
Speaking of my shitty life, Rachelle was so kind on our Tuesday walk this week. I was talking about how I need to start walking again and I feel like I've been so lazy the last couple of months. And yes, I could walk around Capital Hill but it's just not the same as in Ballard. She said, "Raechelle. Cut yourself some slack. You haven't been lazy. You've been exhausted. You've got an awful lot going on in your life. You've just made a monumental life changing decision *and* you don't have a place to call home so I think it's okay if you don't feel like walking."
Which makes me wonder how I'm really doing. Or if I'm coping well. Am I not crying every day because I'm okay? Or because I think I'm weak if I do? But shouldn't I still be crying? My god, we were together six years. It must take longer than two months to get over something like that. Am I in denial and just not dealing with it, and that's going to come back and bite me in the ass a year from now? Am I over it? Have I been over it for a while now, but just didn't do anything about it? Was I ever really in it to begin with? My head hurts.........
I don't like to make excuses for myself or be pitied, so when I don't want to walk, I call myself lazy (which is "loaded word" according to my therapist) and don't take into account that maybe there's more going on inside than I'm really acknowledging. It takes my friends' and my readers' comments to make me realize that this really is a difficult thing and I'm not just being a selfish drama queen if I want to spend an evening curled up in a ball on the couch.
And speaking of my readers - thank you guys for being so supportive and loving. There are some mornings I just tear up reading your comments. Who knew a blog would be so good for my emotional health?
I'm thinking after I get moved and settled, I'm going go away for a the weekend. Take a dip in lake me. Relax. Let my breath out. Sleep in. Maybe sit in a hot tub for two days straight. Swaddle my inner child, if you will, and say, "It's okay. It's been a crappy summer, but it's behind us and there's a lot of good stuff waiting up ahead."
Maybe I should start writing greeting cards.....
Then a very tipsy Cyn called at 9:30pm and cried to me that she felt like a bad friend because we haven't seen each other in weeks and she's sorry and why don't we get together. Well, you know I'm just not one to pass up an opportunity to be wild and crazy......
However, I couldn't drive and even if she had a car, she couldn't drive. So she hopped in a taxi, swung by here and got me and we headed to a dive bar where a couple of her girlfriends were hanging out.
And I had a pretty good time. I got home at 1:30am which made for a miserable day today, but it was fun to have the option of throwing on a tank top and jeans, slappin' on some lipstick and running out the door to hop in a taxi at the spur of the moment. Kind of like my Houston days.
Maybe that's not such a good thing.....
Anyway, this evening I am back on the couch, in my jammies, getting ready to enjoy the Seahawks game. And I will not be answering my phone.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I'm stressing about the coin op laundry at my new apartment. There's one washer and dryer for a building of 7 apartments and we're each assigned our own day. My apartment's day is Friday.
When the hell am I supposed to do laundry on a Friday? There's work, then happy hour, maybe even a date eventually! The manager tells me I can try and switch days with someone, but that seems like a lot of work.
So I'm actually thinking about......
(my mother is going to lose it)
There's a new place that's recently opened in Fremont (conveniently on my way to and from work) that's a drop off, wash-n-fold place. It's all very New York.
I used to tease Julie when she would tell me she couldn't remember the last time she did laundry. They always just sent it out. And I believe she said the same thing in Chicago when I mentioned what a pain in the ass it was going to be not having a washer and dryer - "Oh, just send it out!" Come on! I'm a down-to-earth Seattle chick. We don't send our laundry "out"! We scrounge around for quarters, then meet hot men in the laundry room as we fold our delicates. Hmph, send it out.....
It don't seem like such a bad idea. There's someone willing to do it while I slave away at work all day? It's almost like having an unemployed boyfriend again. Except I'm paying him for his services. Which, technically, makes him a prostitute. Which I'm fine with if my clothes are getting clean and I don't have to stay home on a Friday night to do it.
Maybe there's even a place in Ballard.....?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
But then I just saw Mary Louise Parker and I think that might be closer.
Especially the hair. My hair's actually longer than her's, but its wavy like that. But Mary is a bit waifish to be me. I am faaaaaaar from waifish. Sandra is a little more tomboyish, which is more me.
Monday, August 27, 2007
After I posted Saturday, I got up and started cleaning. Now that Shaun is off to Holland for two weeks, I get to make this place my own. I swept the floors, wiped down the cabinets, scrubbed the sink and cleaned the bathroom, right down to taking a toothbrush to the baseboards. Spotless, I tell ya!
After cleaning, it was time to start the partying. First, a work party at the boss' house. A Summer Soiree. Yes, she stole the word "soiree" from me, and Steve's Swanky Soiree. I stayed there for about 3 hours, ate some food, chatted with a few friends, then toodled on to the next party.
A Pie Party. A woman in my department has a pie party every summer. She has too many fruit trees in her back yard, so she throws a party so people will come over, drink all of her alcohol, and then make fruit pies. She makes all of the crusts and the guests sit and peel fruit, layer it in the pie crust, sprinkle some sugar and spices on it, then she sends it home with the guests to bake. Which I did Sunday night. I made a plum pie. I really wanted to make an apple one, but you have to peel the apples and she was pushing the plums (which you don't have to peel) big time. I could have made two, but by the time I finished the plum pie, I had three drinks in me and it was just best I put the knife down.
Where was I?
Oh, after the pie party was another co-worker's Birthday BBQ for his girlfriend. Which I had every intention of going to because I really like them, but by the time I left the pie party, I was too pooped to be social so I just came home. I was in bed by 11pm. Fabulous.
Then Sunday, MickeyP came over to help me with the Fantasy Football Draft. We thought he could use his laptop and I could use Shaun's laptop (wireless connection in the apartment), but we couldn't both connect. So I drafted my first few players, then logged off so he could draft his players. If you're not logged on and physically drafting, the computer will do it for you. And sometimes that's just not a good thing. But I got a good team. Peyton Manning, Josh Brown and some other running backs and wide receivers that I'm told are good. I can't keep them straight.
The draft took a little over an hour, then I made dinner and we watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch. He'd never seen it. Weird. So I had to enlighten him.
And we had plum pie for dessert.
Which I don't think my stomach liked (it was either the pie or the beet salad I had for lunch earlier in the day). I woke up this morning and it was making noises I had never heard before. Very scary. But after emptying it's entire contents in every way possible, life started to look much better. I actually made it to work, which was touch and go there for a bit. So no more plum pie (or beet salad) for me.
And I was back on the soup diet today. Which is okay because I treated myself to lots of sweets over the weekend.
And now I'm vegged out in front of the TV and I'm actually thinking about going to bed. I'm beat. It's too bad, too, because it's just a beautiful day here. If I were in my new apartment in Ballard, I would walk over to the Locks, throw a blanket down and watch the pretty boats go by. Ah, but not yet.
12 days and counting......
Saturday, August 25, 2007
I told this to one particular female friend after Steve and I broke up and I was spending a lot of time with men rather than women, and her response was, "Well, you just need to get over that and call on your girlfriends more!" Um. Yes. Okay.
Anyway, after the movie, we walked down the street to get a drink in this new, very posh and hotel like bar in the U District. Sitting around the table, looking at these women and our glasses of wine and hearing the jazz from the little quartet in the corner, I was very much reminded of Sex and the City. I didn't watch it when it was on HBO, but have started watching the PG version on broadcast at 11pm every night. I like it. And I relate a little more these days than I did when it first started airing. I don't know who I would have pegged myself as last night. Too tomboyish to be Charlotte, too feminine to be Miranda, too insecure to be Samantha.....maybe Carrie? Except I don't chain smoke. Although I am sitting here in bed, posting this on a laptop.
I think I may have even felt the stir of a new characteristic within myself. This has been happening more and more frequently in the last couple of years. I'll find myself interested in something that, in the past, I would have scoffed at, and it makes me stop and say, "Huh. I must be growing....." Last night I actually enjoyed the company of women and that's not like me. Maybe I've hit that age where I need that in my life.
It almost feels like, forgive me for getting all introspective on you, a fog has lifted. I'm no longer....smothered. I hate to use that word because I really didn't feel like that when I was with Steve, but it suits my vision. Now that I don't have someone else to distract me, I may actually have to look at myself and the changes that are taking place.
My Carrie Bradshaw moment:
Are we ever really able to be in a long term relationship without succumbing to a fog?
Thursday, August 23, 2007
And I got my bookshelves up and the boxes unpacked in my office, so I'm feeling a bit more at home here.
And I found a penny on the ground, face up, so that's a good sign right?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday was a better day than Monday, although I went straight home from work, got in my jammies and watched TV all night. It was apparently just what I needed because this morning, I was in a much better headspace.
Until I accidently ran across photos of our friend's recent visit to Seattle, complete with pictures of all of the events this summer that I either wasn't invited to or chose not to participate in.
So even though I may have moved two steps forward last night, I am now four step back at this very moment.
On the bright side, I'm going in to sign my lease tomorrow morning.
Maybe I just shouldn't post until I've got something upbeat to convey........
Monday, August 20, 2007
I went to a bonfire for a friend's 40th birthday down at Golden Gardens. I left after an hour, and then I sat in my car and cried. The last time I was at a bonfire at Shilshole was with The Gang. I don't have a gang anymore.
Tonight, I spent most of the time standing by myself, staring at the fire, trying to look like I was perfectly comfortable not knowing anyone. One woman talked with me when she learned I was apartment hunting, then some guy who was new to the group (and new to Seattle) tried to chat me up. I'm not at all interested in that crap. I just wanted to go home, curl up in my jammies and watch some comfort tv. Which I'm doing now. Seinfeld.
It's been a long time since I've been alone and unknown in a group. And it made me very homesick. I've never felt homesick for some place other than my parents' place, but I think tonight I'm homesick for my old life. I'm homesick for familiararity and for normalcy. Homesick for a home.
I know the light is just up ahead. Three more weeks, and (hopefully) I'll begin to get settled into my new life, which will be none too soon as I fear I am nearing the very end of my rope. I thought the very end of my rope was three weeks ago, and I was finally starting to work my way upward, but I feel like I've been beaten down a notch or two.
It's a good thing Shaun isn't home tonight.
And that there's no wine in the house...
Saturday, August 18, 2007
I left the apartment Sunday. Suffice it to say, staying there wasn't working, so I came back to Jessica's. And now I'm doing laundry and packing up to head up to Shaun's, on Capital Hill. He's leaving Friday to travel for two and half weeks, so at least I'll only be in his hair for a week. And he works long hours so we only see each other for a couple of hours every evening. Not too bad. I don't feel like I'm too much of an imposition.
And so a weekly update....
Monday - moving. I had bought $150 worth of groceries because I thought I'd be at the apartment for a while. So I went back there after work and packed them all up and brought them to Jessica's. Actually, half went to work (Amy's frozen dinners for lunches, soup and salad fixins) because Jessica didn't have room in her fridge. I think this officially deems me homeless.
Tuesday - walked Greenlake with a couple of friends. I'm making new girlfriends. I think it's good for me. Male friends have the potential to get me into trouble.
Wednesday - community dinner with Jessica, her boyfriend, their downstairs neighbors (their house is a duplex), and a couple of other friends. Completely vegan dinner. And delicious. I will have to say one thing about couch surfing: I'm broading my horizons. When else would I have the opportunity to eat a homemade vegan feast? Oh, I can just hear my family now as they read this. Have an open mind, people!
Thursday - I had to be at work for the 7am staff meeting. But sharing a bathroom with two other people gives me a good excuse to be late for that. So I laid in bed until 7am, then went in.
That afternoon I looked at three apartments at the Lock Haven (across the street from the Lock Vista). And I think I may finally have an apartment now. I had my pick, since my application was in the first of July. I turned down the third floor place, despite the incredible views to the south and the west. My knees indicated that they would not be happy living in a 3rd floor walk up. I turned down the first floor apartment, despite the fact that it was going to be completely redone because the tenant, who just passed away a few weeks ago (but not in the apartment) at the age of 97, had been there over 10 years and they had never updated the place. It had windows on the east and west walls, but because it was the ground floor, it was a bit darker than the others and it wouldn't be ready until October 1st. I don't think I can wait until October 1st.
In the end, I chose the middle one. Literally. It's on the first floor, facing north, but the building is on a hill. So looking out the south windows, you're technically on the third floor. High up, tons of light (two south facing windows) and even two windows on the east wall. And $40 cheaper than the Lock Vista would have been. They'll put in new carpet and the place will be ready for move in on September 8th. Only a few more weeks!
So Thursday was a damn good day. That evening, I went to the Lock & Keel (by myself, thank you) and sat with a table of regulars, had some dinner and watched the Chiefs and the Dolphins. I got my ass kicked at pool because one of the guys signed me up on the regulars' table, and those guys are good. But I held my own (for a while).
Friday - BOOKSHELVES ARRIVED!!! I sweet talked a manly co-worker to put them together for me. I'll have to unpack my boxes on Monday, which shouldn't been too hard since our computers have just about been completely down for a week. No one can work. Email locks up, we can't get to any of our saved documents. Crazy.
And Friday evening, MickeyP abducted me and took me a drive-in movie. Which I have never been to! A woman stopped us as we were walking around and asked "Now, is it pathetic that I'm 30 years old and I've never been to a drive in?!" I said, "Absolutely not! I'm 32 and never been!" We saw Ratatouilli and the Simpsons. Harry Potter was playing after that, but I don't much care about Harry Potter. I know, I know. Gasp! But Ratatouilli was fantastic. Three movies for $7! Plus the cost of alcohol we snuck in....
So yes. Busy week. This week I have walking plans again (it's looking to be a regular Tuesday thing.....I'll have to reschedule my other Tuesday walking buddy), a birthday bonfire at Shilshole, and then back to back parties on Saturday. If I just keep busy, these next few weeks will just fly by and before you know it, I'll be blogging from my Very Own Apartment.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Some people don't understand the term "Personal Space". Some people don't understand "Do Not Cross Line" either. They're still getting a little too close to me.
But the janitorial staff understands this. They won't empty my garbage if I don't put it on the other side of the line. Funny.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
I had a bento box at World Wrapps today. It came with a fortune cookie. My fortune?
"You shouldn't overspend at the moment. Frugality is important."
This after I spent $8 for lunch.
In other news, pre-season football starts tonight! Colts versus Cowboys. Actually, I believe the first pre-season game was the Hall of Fame game on Sunday, Pitt versus New Orleans. Pitt won. The Seahawks play on Sunday! I would invite people over but 1) I'm staying at the apartment with Steve and I don't think we're anywhere near ready for a Gathering and 2) all of my friends, including Steve, are going camping together this weekend, so no one would be around anyway. I was invited, but I'm enjoying not living out of a bag right now. I'll be productive while I have the apartment to myself.
Oh, I ran across this very cool website - http://www.walkscore.com/ - while reading another blog. You put in an address and tells you how walkable the area is. Perfect for someone like me who is looking for a place, but wants to make sure there are cool things to walk to. Once you put in an address, it will give a map of the area, then list the places that are walkable along the side of the screen. So not only do you see that yes, there are places to walk to, you see what those places are. Genius!
My current address scored a 75 out of a possible 100. Mom and dad's address scored an 18 out of a possible 100. There's nothing to walk to where they live. Well, there's Starbucks and the Waffle House, but it's an icky walk. And it's too freakin' hot there to even be outside, let alone walk two miles.
And, the beautiful long nails are gone now. There was a casualty last night, so off they went. I played guitar for a few minutes and today the pads of my fingers are sore. They've been spoiled and protected by those long nails. Oh well. Now I know it only takes four or five weeks for them to get there, so I can plan in advance. You know I'm all about planning......
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
I know change is hard.....but we'll get through it....right?
Saturday, August 4, 2007
I was here at the apartment packing Thursday night when my phone rang. It was the manager of the apartments. She had just gotten out of a meeting with the owners, who told her that they had been approached by a development company who wanted to....yep.....purchase the building and turn the apartments into condos!
She asked if I still wanted to move in. Um, no. Granted, it will take a while for the deal to actually happen, but I don't want to get comfortable and set up a home, only to be kicked out when they want to start putting in their stainless steel appliances and granite countertops.
Needless to say, I was quite distraught Thursday night. A couple of friends, including Steve, had to literally talk me off the ledge. But by Friday morning I had calmed down and I did whatcha gotta do. I got up and started surfing craigslist for another place. I called another complex, right across the street from the Lock Vista, and they have a place coming up in September. I've already put my application in there so I'm first in line right now. The woman just learned about the opening, so when she gets more information, she'll call me back. That will actually be a better deal than the Lock Vista - cheaper, more square footage, more windows.
And I have appointments to look at some places tomorrow morning, so this may be a big blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe I wouldn't have liked the Lock Vista and I would have regretted the decision. Who knows. But I will embrace this new challenge and see the new opportunities it has presented.
Don't I sound optimistic? It's because my girlfriend took me out last night and I drank myself silly and flirted with the sailors who are in town for SeaFair. Yes, life ain't so bad, I guess.......
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I finally spoke the apartment people yesterday and I'm going in to sign my lease on Friday, and then move on Saturday. I've got about six cars lined up so my hope is that it will just be one big trip. I'm going back to the apartment tonight, after I go by Jessica's and gather my stuff, and I'll start the very sad task of packing.
I took Friday and Monday off. In the "Reason for Time Off?" section (which technically I don't have to fill out because it's none of their business why I'm taking time off, as long as I have the hours, which I do....barely), I put "To deal with my break down." Let 'em check "Denied" after that. Last September when Steve and I went to Texas to visit the folks, I put "Quick trip to hell" in there. I don't think my boss even reads that part because she's never said anything.
Other reasons have been:
To watch yet another friend live out her dream of getting married in a big white dress while I stand by sobbing
Trip to the islands with my male groupies
Trip to the mountains with my male groupies
WV trip so I can chew on bark and sit on a porch for five days while contemplating the pros and cons of cow manure with my uncles
They're lucky I'm even putting a reason in there at all....