Can I Go Home Now?

Sick of this day, sick my mood, sick of me.
Want a magarita. And football. And a hug.

I don't like days like this. Glad they don't happen too often anymore.

Horoscope

From The Seattle Times:

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Romantic cliches no longer apply. Past transgressions could be thrown up to block your moves. This is a poor time to invest your money or to discuss a permanent commitment with a special someone.

I don't much care for the sound of this.......

Just One Of The Things I Do To Amuse Myself

Every month I write out a rent check. And I put it in a plain white envelope. But mama always taught me not to just put a check in a plain white envelope because you can see that it's a check and someone might steal it. So I have to wrap the check in a piece of paper so you can't see that it's a check.

With me?

Well, using a piece of plain white printer paper was getting annoying. It was a lot of folding. The envelopes aren't the big long envelopes. They're the short ones. So the paper was always way too big and well, I'm exhausted just typing about it.

A few years ago, I ran across these great pads and gadgets in a stationary store. Their stuff is hilarious (be sure to check out the website).

I bought this pad:


I thought Steve would find it helpful. I actually used to fill a sheet out and put it on his keyboard so that when he got home, he'd be in the loop.

Anywho, the width of the paper is the exact width of the envelope. So now, I wrap my check up in a Mood Alert sheet.

And I fill out.

Some days, my overall mood rating is a 3, some days it's a 9.

I'm curious if the person who opens the mail at Ballard Realty enjoys seeing what mood I'm in when I write out my rent check. I hope they chuckle.

Random Thoughts

I can't remember what I'm doing when I walk in the kitchen sometimes, but I can remember random Spanish words, like most of the months (Abril, Septiembre, Octubre, Noviembre, Diciembre - apparently I can even remember how to spell them), frio (cold) and imposible (impossible).

Weird.

**********

We have officially hit winter in Seattle. The high is supposed to be 62 today and it's rained for the past five days. Fine with me. It's more fun to watch football when it's cold. And you don't sweat when you cuddle.

**********

Had din din with Jamie last night. We've gotten into the habit of making a once a week dinner date. I love that. We went to La Carta de Oaxaca, an authentic, yet overhyped, Mexican joint. The food is okay, I guess, but there's always this long line of people out the door trying to get in. My theory is that one person (probably from Fremont - MeOw!) deemed it "trendy" and suddenly everyone and their freakin' brother has to go there, thus making Ballard just as crowded and frustrating as Fremont. West Seattle ain't lookin' so bad these days.

**********

Have I given you an update on the mouthguard situation? No? Well!

I used my whitening tray for a few nights and that helped the pain in the tooth, but rubbed the roof of my mouth raw. Poo. So, I sucked it up and spent $18 on an official NightGuard. Which was a complete joke. With Kayleigh's assistance, we boiled this thing according to the directions, then I put it in my mouth and bit down so that my teeth would make an impression and it would fit snuggly.

Crock o' shit.

Either it's a complete rip off or my jaws are just not strong enough to bite down as far as I need to. Regardless, my teeth only left a tiny little dent in the tray. So I'll send it back. Because there's a little "Satisfaction Guaranteed" note on the side of the box. And I am not satisfied.

And my tooth still hurts.

**********

Red meat is no longer my friend. We were never really buds. Merely acquaintances. But after the pirate party in CA and me treating myself to a big ol' chunk of it, well, red meat is no longer my friend.

It was somewhat entertaining though when, after I took a big bite of said red meat and "juice" (let's just say "juice"....red "juice") dripped down onto my chest (not boobs....just chest), I got to act out a little vampire victim scenario for Todd's friends, with his help. Maybe that could also be considered an audition? Cause, ya know, I'm datin' a director.

**********

I'm freezing right now.
If my fingernails weren't painted red (hussy red!) then they would be blue.
I want my sweatshirt.

(This is not a haiku.)

**********

Apparently homecoming season is upon us!

The majority my blog hits are coming from a google search for "homecoming mums". The gals are getting excited about what their boys are going to get for them! Or maybe it's the boys who are googling so they know what the gals want?

Maybe Todd and I should go to the West Seattle High homecoming football game. And he can buy me a mum and I'll buy him a garter. And maybe I'll get a pimple right on the end of my nose. Just like high school! Ah, to relive my youth!

Excuse me while I throw up........

At least I'd get to make out with a boy after the game.

**********


Sigh.

That's all I got.

Whee.

California Pics

I just had a thought. Which is surprising since it's not even noon yet.

I just assume that those of you who read this blog also read Todd's blog. And that's probably not true, huh?

So, maybe I should link to the pictures of California trip, too.

Enjoy!

I Am Screwed.

Apparently, crows can remember a face. Great.

Not only do I have to worry about crows dive bombing me, now I can't even scream at them and flip them off because they will remember me. And they will plan their great attack.

Perhaps when I'm down at the Locks, all by myself, enjoying the sunshine. Laying on a blanket, eyes closed. They will recognize me. And they will swarm in a giant murder, descending upon me with their oily little feathers and loud caws. They will peck at me with their beaks as I scream for help. But no one will help me. No one likes crows.

Eventually, the horrible beasts will grab my lifeless, bloodied body with their ugly, pointy feet and carry me off to their nest in order to continue their merciless execution.

No, I haven't seen Hitchcock's The Birds.
Why?

Home....And Then Some

Yes, we're back! Todd has done a great job of laying out the activities day by day, so I really don't need to rehash all of the details.

I will say it sure didn't feel like a whole week. Although, on the plane ride home yesterday, I suddenly became very exhausted and passed out for I don't know how long. Guess everything caught up with me. Meeting new people for an entire week tends to take it out of you.

And it was good dip in the parent pool. I didn't really go under......just doggie paddled to the edge a couple of times. Which, if you think about it, isn't too bad for my first full week with the kiddies. I know Todd was worried that I was going to get sick of him but that just wasn't even an issue. He still had me laughing until I had tears in my eyes on the plane ride home.

But, oh, it feels good to be home.

I ordered in thai food last night, had a glass of wine, took a long bath and painted my nails. This morning, I ran errands and just enjoyed being back in Ballard.

And now I'm off to piddle a little more until it's time to get ready for dinner. A special dinner. Dinner at Salty's. Today marks a whopping three months with Todd so we're celebrating. Is it just me, or does it feel like three years? Hard to believe it's only been months.

Speaking of relationships, our hostess with the mostest, Beth, said something a few nights ago that made my mouth just fall open. And opened up a whole new train of thought for me.

By now you've realized that I don't use this blog to spout about my feelings regarding Todd. There's a lot going on inside my head (and heart) and he's aware of all of this, but I don't want my blog to be therapy anymore. You guys were great this past year when I needed an outlet, but now, this relationship is so.....important....that I don't want to let everyone completely in on it. It's more complicated than boy-meets-girl-they-fall-in-love-cue-mushy-music. Todd and I each have our own baggage and issues from the past and I think we're doing a fantastic job of working those things out. So please don't think that just because I don't gush about him means I'm not in love with him. I am very much, 100%, completely in love with him. And his kids. How on earth could I not be?

That said, I tend to freak out every now and then. Sometimes it's because of a trigger from the past, sometimes it's because I fear making the same stupid mistakes I made last year, and sometimes it's because I feel like I'm just sitting in the corner, picking my nose, while this relationship happens around me. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm even participating. Like I'm not in control. And that makes me panic.

So when Beth said that her relationship with her husband took on a life of it's own when they were dating, I literally gasped.

A life of it's own.

Picking my nose.

See how it's the same?

Apparently, when a relationship is right, it just happens. Momentum takes hold and you just have to try and hang on and not get thrown over the side. This is a completely foreign concept to me.

My longest and most pertinent relationship ever began with complete denial. We were just "hanging out" for eight months. Spending Friday night through Monday morning together, sure, but we were just "hanging out". We never, ever, used the term "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". Then we really never lived together those first few years. We just "stayed with each other" because of whatever the current situation was. We didn't really get officially domestic until year four when we got a joint bank account (in addition to our own checking accounts).

This is my frame of reference. Healthy, right?

I thought we were just taking it slow. Now I see I had a chain around his neck and was dragging him down the beautiful path to domesticity. A path he so clearly was not happy to be on. Oh, I think I probably knew that, but dammit, I am no quitter!

So, to have a man who is gung ho about domesticity and togetherness completely throws me. I don't know how to do this if I'm not dragging them kicking and screaming. That's my way of being in control. And you know there's no way I can drag Todd anywhere. The man is huge.

Anywho. That's what's going on. Todd is at the end of the relationship path, arms wide open, tapping his foot and waiting on me. He's probably checking the time every now and then because he's a planner and our social calendar is constantly jam packed. I can see the kids too (along with every gatekeeper I met this past week), jumping up and down and cheering me on. "You can do it, Raechelle!"

I, however, am very gingerly walking toward him, while just trying to stay in the middle of the path and not fall down. I'm just being very, very careful. The path is uneven and if I rush, I'm going to hurt myself. Todd has been down this path. Hell, you can even see his big ol' footprints in the dirt. He OWNS this path. But it's all very new to me.

I wish I could paint. It would be a pretty picture, wouldn't it?

Okay, enough babbling. I gotta get ready for dinner. It's raining out but I am not deterred. I am wearing my new gold strappy shoes! I mean it!

Composting - A Beginner's Tale

A few weeks ago, the city distributed BioBags* to put food waste in. Once the bag is full, we can just throw that in the community compost container down by the garbage. I aspire to compost (and I'm all about appearances), so I was going to spend $40 on a pretty stainless steel countertop composter like this:

But then I thought, "I have these bags. I just need something to put the bag in." And wala!

Ugly, but functional:


Still ugly, still functional, but now with pretty green bag hanging out of it.

Only $6! I'm so smart. The only drawback is that the $40 stainless steel container has a charcoal filter to help with the smell of rotting food. My little Goodwill container's lid is one of those sealing lids so that will help, but I'll need to take the bag out pretty frequently.

Looks like the BioBags are only about $6, too (for 25 of them). Now it's just a matter of finding a store nearby that carries them. Whole Foods? PCC?

Let me know if you've seen them anywhere.

*They also have litter box liners, dog waste bags, trash bags and leaf and lawn bags. The bags are made of corn, not plastic, so they break down naturally.

California, Mid-Week Update

I could give you an update on our California trip, but let me instead refer you to TBBE's blog. We collaborated. More efficient.

Suffice it to say, 1) we're having a great time, 2) Todd has fantastic friends and 3) I'm not running away screaming. Which was apparently a concern.

No, no. All is good in Taechelle land. Or RaTodd land.
Still working on it.

I Been Tagged!

By Heather from H-in-London.

So allow me to babble about myself for a minute.

Here are the directions:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

Here are my 6 unspectacular quirks.

1. I fear crowds. Maybe not "fear", but I panic. Like, wringing my hands and twitching and looking around nervously because I feel like I'm in the way and if one more person touches me I will freakin' LOSE IT. Todd knows this and he is fantastic. He'll move me to the nearest wall or to the edge of the crowd or just stand in front of me with his back to the crowd. And he's much like a wall, so it's comforting. Thanks babe.

2. I say "interesting...." when I have absolutely no response to something someone has just said. "My chicken just won't stop pacing around the coop! Can you believe that?!"

"Huh. Interesting....."

3. I always think I have something in my teeth. I'm constantly checking my teeth in the mirror (or in a knife, if I'm at the table...although I'm discreet). Dinner dates are murder.

4. I can't go out of town without cleaning my apartment. Taking the trash and recycling out, scrubbing the tub, vacuuming (but that's fun stuff) and doing laundry. The thought of coming home and needing to do ANYTHING ruins the whole vacation.

Guess what I'll be doing tonight?

5. I have hyperacute hearing. Steve used to say I had superhearing. I can hear something rattling in the wall in my office and I've called facilities so many times to fix it, they think I'm crazy. One guy even asked if anyone else could hear it. So now I hit on the wall a lot to try and make it stop (which it does....for a minute). I mute the commercials (if I have the remote) because my head needs a break when watching TV. I hate whistling (she says as she hears someone in the hallway....whistling). It should be a happy sound, but I feel like it just adds to the already excessive amount of noise I have to tolerate on a daily basis. If you don't have to make noise, don't make noise.

6. It is imperative that the toilet paper pull from over the top, rather than from underneath. And I am not opposed to actually changing it in people's houses. People I don't even know. Underneath may be their preference, but when I'm sittin' on their potty, it's over the top. But I'm considerate, so I'll put it back the way they had it when I leave.

To Todd's friends with whom we will be staying next week - consider yourself warned.

Okay! Time to tag. I'm so sorry, guys. But I know that every bad thing that happens to me is a direct result of breaking a chain letter in 5th grade. Swear.To.Gawd.

Kayleigh
Tricia
Marcia
Jake
Ann
Ms. Traveler

California Dreamin'

What to say?
I am tired
Eyes are heavy
Sat in the sun at lunch
Big mistake
Back in my office
Blah

Short timers disease
Vacation a comin'
Finding it hard to work
So I plan my wardrobe
Always take a fleece
Even to California
Just in case

Hair appointment Friday
Sprucin' up for new people
Wanna feel cool in Cali
No mani or pedi
Gotta choose wisely
More money for shopping

How many hours?
72 hours
Touch down in San Jose...?
Or Sacramento?
No idea
Don't even care
Letting someone else plan for a change

Will you miss me?
Can I blog from Todd's phone?
Maybe from our hosts' computer?
Cryptic little updates
To keep you on the edge of your seat
Don't forget the camera this time!!

How many hours?
72 hours
Sigh

Weekend Update - GO! GO! GO!

Rumor has it that Todd isn't too motivated this morning to blog, so maybe I can get this done before him. Hee hee.

Friday night - FOOTBALL. Yeah baby! Seahawks won their first preseason game against the Vikings and we had a small, but nice, crowd to yell at the TV with. And Trish and I now have every intention of making food and being the hostesses with mostestess every Sunday for the games. This big plan was decided after a couple glasses of wine, so we may need to reevaluate.

Saturday morning consisted of a full on breakfast of pancakes, eggs and bacon, then a mad dash to Ikea for organizing gear. In and out in 45 minutes. A new world record, I'm sure. We came home with drawer organizers, bins for the office, and cargo nets for all of Kayleigh's stuff animals, which are now hanging above her bed. I personally would be afraid those things would fall on me in the middle of the night, but she's young and daring, so we'll see how it goes.

The afternoon was extremely productive, until we had to run off to dinner and "Crazy For You", a play done by Todd's theater group, Twelfth Night Productions where I got to see my man in true form as the cool popular guy. After the show, the cast was milling about, chatting with people and one after one I would hear, "TODD!" in a very high, screechy female voice. Quite popular with the ladies, he is. As a matter of fact, even last weekend when we were in Bellingham, I heard that familiar screech. In the consignment store where we were shopping. I said to no one in particular, "It's a good thing I'm not a jealous woman. This could get ugly."

And Sunday began early with a last minute dash to meet our real estate agent (after stopping for much needed caffeine, of course) to view a house. A very cool-retreat-like-would-accommodate-a-pool-table house. After that, there was more organizing and cleaning (I'm infectious, I tell ya!), then dinner, then Blazing Saddles (which, yes you guessed it, I had never seen) and a glass of wine. What a lovely way to wrap up a fun weekend.

Again, I had every intention of coming home yesterday afternoon, but for some reason, I just wasn't able to tear myself away from the big, burly man hugs, so it turned into a full weekend visit. A good sign, since I'll be spending seven straight days with the Downing clan here in a few days, doncha think?

And, Happy Monday, what did I find when I emerged from the bathroom this morning?

A latte and a croissant from The Best Boyfriend Ever (herein known as TBBE).

[insert big ol' mushy grin here]

Whew! Done!
What's the time on that, Bob?

Tattoo Time

Since posting pictures of our tattoos is all the rage now, here's mine.


Pardon the blur. Hard spot, Todd's camera phone, trying not to expose too much.....you get the idea. Yes, those are my Hanky Pankys.

I got this when I was 19 and drunk on peach wine coolers. My friend, Val, bought it for me because I won a bet. What was the bet, you ask? I asked a guy at Paragon, a club we frequented, what toothpaste he used.

Stupid bet. I know. But I got a tattoo out of it!

I picked a moon and star because I'm a night person.
Well, I used to be. Now I have to be in bed by 10:30pm.

Sad.

My, What You Can Do With Photography...

From the front page of CNN.
Rumor has it, John Edwards had an affair.

At first glance, who is the bad guy here?

Although I didn't actually read the article, I'm guessing from this photograph that this tramp seduced that fine, upstanding man. Look how the sun falls on his face, almost illuminating his halo. While this evil home wrecker, judging by the harsh light and scowl on her face, I'm sure only comes out at night as looks like the sun is setting behind her.

I want a photographer to follow me around and only publish the photos that make me look 1) clear skinned, 2) thin and 3) innocent.

If you are a photographer, and interested in being my employee, please click the "Email Me!" link to your right. I promise you will earn your money. I don't know how much money at this point, but I'm sure we can work something out.

You Can Take The Girl Out Of The Country.....

A new site to check 50 times a day. See more dog pictures.....

From The Ex To Steve

Some readers have noticed that in my Props for Shaun post, I referred to my ex by name. No more "The Ex". That's because the ex...er....Steve and I are talking again.

We hadn't spoken since the first of December and that was probably best. After six years, you can't break up and just act like everything is okay. He wasn't part of the mistake or fiasco, just so you know, and he was smart to remove himself from anyone involved. But, for the most part, that's all behind us and he's in a great relationship and I'm in a great relationship, so we're friendly again. We've even had dinner together and we still quote the same movies to each other in the middle of a conversation. Old habits die hard.

I'm happy that I still have Steve in my life. Because after six years of living with him, I can't just act like he doesn't exist (plus, he cracks me up. He's a funny guy). And I'm so very happy that Todd understands that, just as I understand that Sam was a huge part of his life and is the mother of his children, so she will never be completely gone. We can talk about our pasts and the people in them and no gets all bent out of shape or competitive.

I think I'm a very lucky woman.

It's A Sickness, I Tell Ya....

I just meant to drop off some stuff. Stuff from Todd's after we cleaned out the basement. And then I just thought I'd go in to see if they had shorts cause, ya know, mine are too big and I'm going to California in a couple of weeks.

Then somehow I found myself in the shoe department, and REALLY, I was just looking for some cute flats that I could wear with a couple of my dresses. But then I hit the boot aisle and well....crap.

Because I don't have brown ones, that's why
And they were $8.

Shoot me.

Glutton for Punishment

I just made the very grave decision to look at the swimsuits on the Victoria's Secret website.

And from Ordinary Angels, I hear Micah's voice in my head:
"What the hell were you thinking?!"

They've got all kinds of categories:
Beach Sexy
Miracle Bra
Very Sexy
Body by Victoria
Shop by Top
Shop by Designer
Shop by Category
Destination: Summer
Must Haves

And I found myself mumbling, "How about a "I'm 33 and I Weigh More Than 90lbs and I Just Want to Cover My Ass" category? Where's that one?"

They don't have that category.

Oh, but Newport News does. They're ugly, but they cover yer tush.

Oy.

That's okay. My cheap little suit suffice for the mere week I need it. That's one of the perks of living in Seattle. You don't really need to have a swimsuit. Unless you're one of those water lover types that likes to swim and kayak and crap. Luckily, I am not one of those people.

I prefer wool sweaters, thankyouverymuch.

Weekend Update

Mondays are so much better when you get smoochies as you leave for work. By your boyfriend, not just by some random neighbor that you've accosted. Trust me on that.

As mentioned in said boyfriends' blog, Friday was dinner with Kenni and Joel. Sneaky, sneaky Joel.

But before dinner, Todd and I went to Target to get me a nightguard. Look at me, actually following a professional's advice. Well, I got two sport mouthguards. One for my place, one for Todd's place, because I'm one of those tramps now who keeps her shampoo, soap, toothbrush and deodorant at her boyfriend's house. We haven't progressed to clothing yet, so you parents can just settle down. It's just toiletries at this point. And mouthguards.

Speaking of which, could this picture BE any cuter:

Tiny little girly deodorant, and big manly tall deodorant. That's me and Todd, in a nutshell. And no, I'm not afraid to show you our deodorant. So there.

Where was I?

Oh, mouthguards.

So I bought two of them, and did the whole boiling thing and, holy crap, those things are HUGE. There is no way I would be able to sleep with that huge chunk of....whatever..... in my mouth. I'd rather just go for the root canal. One time shot, lots of good drugs afterwards.

But, upon further consideration, I tried my whitening tray that I got a few years ago. Same concept. Plastic, molded to my teeth. I used it Saturday night and wala! No headache Sunday morning. I'll try it for a couple of weeks and see if the pain lets up. I'll keep you posted. Because I know you're just on the edge of your seat, aren't you?

So after the mouthguard experiment, off to dinner. I'm going to forget to mention the Raechelle's-an-idiot-and-walked-into-the-men's-room-AGAIN-story. Unlike Todd. Thanks, babe.

Saturday was a Bellingham trip. Farmer's market, meeting Todd's sister and niece, then lunch and shopping with his mom and a visit with his grandparents. Then I branched off and met up with Jamie for din din, and back home where I tried to stay up for Saturday Night Live, but was unable. Because, apparently, I am no longer a young whipper snapper.

Esther had friends over around 8:30 Sunday morning, so I was awake bright and early. It seems they were hanging out in her bedroom and bathroom which is, of course, right above my bedroom and bathroom, and they were quite chipper (and loud). So I tried to be optimistic and take it as a sign to get my day started. Four cups of coffee helped.

That afternoon, I visited with Kim, Tim and Milo for a bit. Then Kim accompanied me to Macy's for a quick shopping trip, including the dreaded bathing suit search since I'll be in beautiful California for a week. And, I swear to gawd, not one bottom that I tried on covered my butt. And you know my butt ain't that big. The suits are just getting smaller and smaller. I told Kim, if I wanted my ass to show, I'd just go naked. What's the point in spending $60 on a suit when I'm hardly covered? So, bathing suit shopping was a bust.

On the way home from shopping, Ruby almost got creamed by a very large and green minivan. That thing wanted in my lane something fierce, so to get out of her way, we went up on the curb. Scared the crap out of all of us. I think Ruby was actually shaking on the rest of the drive. So, to calm her down, I took her to Brown Bear and gave her a good washing and vacuuming. She seemed okay after that. Poor baby....

And then back to Todd's for dinner. But first, a quick trip to Marshall's, just to see if maybe they had any bathing suits left. And wouldn't you know it? Found a suit. That is the exact same style and cut as the one I just gave to Goodwill four months ago. Perfect. This one is brown and blue though. I tell you this because you probably will not ever see a picture of me in it. Unless I'm drunk. Which, let's face it, is not unheard of.

So, shopping, dinner, a nice chat with Tyler then Jim Gaffigan. Oh my gawd, Todd and I laughed until our throats hurt. He is freakin' hysterical. "Have you tried the Hot Pocket Hot Pocket? It's the Hot Pocket filled with a Hot Pocket. Tastes just like a Hot Pocket. Hot Pocket...."

What a nice way to end the weekend.

And here we are at Monday! Ack.

Actually, my day isn't too bad. Time flies when you....uh....don't work.

Oh, kidding, kidding. I work. Occasionally. Most of the time.
Rarely.

Wha....?

Is It Tomorrow Yet?

What the hell is up with the universe today?

I can't count the number of cars who almost ran or eased into me because they weren't paying attention to what they were doing. Or the number of people I almost hit with my car because they stepped off the curb, cell phone to their ear, completely unaware that there were cars zooming past.

Here's a tip for ya: PAY ATTENTION, PEOPLE. Take yer freakin' cell phone away from your ear and look forward. How hard is that? You are not the only one in this world and one of these days, people are going to quit slamming on their brakes for you just because you're too engrossed in whatever it is you're doing to notice that there is a car coming RIGHT TOWARD YOU. Dumbass.

Okay, maybe I'm a little grumpy today.

I had a dentist appointment this morning and apparently, a root canal is not in order just yet. I have a crack in my tooth, that runs up by the nerve, and we suspect I am grinding my teeth at night (just like I have for the last 25 years) which is aggravating the nerve every day and not giving it a chance to calm down.

So, he suggested (and has been suggesting) a night guard (for six years now). Maybe I'll actually break down and buy one because it's just pissing me off now and I'm pretty sure I'm killing my stomach with the amount of Advil I'm taking on a daily basis. And the tooth pain is making the entire left side of my head hurt so that when I cough (freakin' allergies) my brain feels like it's trying to somehow exit my skull.

And then there's MS (not PMS....we are not in the "Pre" stages anymore) which just makes me want to rip out my own ovaries with my bare hands and throw them against the wall. I work in a clinic. We've got plenty of gauze. I think I can do it.

When I had my first "woman's doctor's appointment" at 17 (I think it was 17), the doctor came into the room and asked, "Now, what can I do for you?"

And I very calmly and maturely said, "I would like a hysterectomy, please."

I think my mom laughed. Only three years of being a woman and I was sick of it. Screw. This.

Sigh.

Enough about my uterus.

I am very much looking forward to this evening. Todd and I will be taking one of our faithful readers, who is visiting from Houston, and her husband out for dinner. I think we'll go somewhere on the water. Because we know how to impress our fans.

And then afterward, mucho cuddle time with my man. I think that will make all of the aches and pains magically go away. And if not, well, who cares. I still get cuddle time.