Lots O' Random Thoughts

My IT department just changed our screensaver. It’s no longer some educational something. It is now multiple scenes of crystal blue water, sandy beaches, rolling green hills, beautiful landscapes in far away places. And the text reads “Thanks for all of your hard work.”

I think their real meaning is, “Thank you for sitting in front of this computer for eight hours everyday, but you still aren’t earning enough money or vacation time to visit any of these beautiful places, so we’ll just show you pictures of what you’re missing.”

Thanks, guys.

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I think I may have gained a wee bit of weight. I now sweat when I vacuum.

That can’t be good.

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I have a hair appointment on Sunday. It’s coming off. Not all off, not pixie off, but mostly off. Maybe a messy bob with layers and bangs. Who knows what I’ll feel like when I sit in the chair.

I wish I had enough money to get it colored, too. The gray is really starting to get to me.

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As is our weather here in the great Pacific Northwest. It’s been 50 degrees and rainish for a few weeks. It’s winter, for cryin’ out loud. Give me some kind of extreme! Cold, snow, pouring rain, SOMETHING. I’m bored.

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Speaking of bored, my brain is wandering now. I’m in a lull at work. I was so busy with other things this past year that I was just glad to have a flexible job. Now I don’t have much else to dwell on (aside from my gray hair and excess weight) so I’m examining my job. I just don’t feel like I’m working toward anything the end of the day. I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing much. Except buying centrifuges and vials of antibodies.

Sigh.

I talk to myself a lot and I ask, “What could I possibly be doing every day that makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something worthwhile each and every day?”

The only job I can come up with is a stay at home mom.

Funny, huh?

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On to happier topics…

How’s about them Saints?! That was one of the best games I’ve watched in a long time. While I love Favre (even though I think he needs to call it quits, especially after the beating he took during this game), I’m excited to see the Saints go to their first Super Bowl. And against the Colts!

We may have to have a Super Bowl party.
I will buy football themed napkins.
And use our new serving platters!

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Speaking of the weekend, there was a lot of sittin’ around and reading and relaxing.

I am extremely proud of myself.

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Except for when Tom snuck out, after I caught his head in the door and yanked* it open again so I wouldn’t kill him. Rather than backing up and coming inside, the little bugger darted forward, onto the back porch. He kind of froze when he got to the steps, so I grabbed him and threw him back inside.

I got really ticked off at him and told him maybe I’ll just open the door and let them both run free. Let’s see how well they do out in the wild with the raccoons, coyotes, and cars that speed down our road. I bet they’ll realize they really don’t have it so bad being kept indoors.

But then I realized I really do love my kitties, so I think I’ll buy two kitty harnesses**, and take them for a walk. Then they can see the outside and not feel like it’s such a great unknown.


*I originally spelled that “janked”. And I wondered why it didn’t look right. I am losing my mind.

**Todd suggested buying just one kitty harness and taking them out separately. Which surprised me because I thought Todd knew me better than that. They are BROTHERS. They must go out TOGETHER. Silly.

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I get to see Val and Rachelle tonight, and I am uber excited. It’s been a long time since we’ve gotten together for one of our walks and gab fests.

The original plan was a walk around Greenlake, then maybe dinner afterwards. But then Val couldn’t make the walk, so it turned into me and Rachelle walking, then meeting Val after for dinner. But then Rachelle had an appointment come up, so while she could still make dinner, she wouldn’t be able to make the walk. So I thought, okay, I’ll walk Greenlake by myself (see: vacuuming and sweating above) then meet them for dinner.

Yeah, that’s a dumb idea.
I’m in a skirt and boots and all done up. I’m not ruining this for a walk.

I’ll just skip the margarita at dinner. That balances, right?

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Last Monday, when I was out shopping by myself, I went to Half Price Books to find some new stuff read. I’ve read seven of the 10 Sookie books, and I absolutely love them (but don’t care for the series they spurred, “True Blood”. Weird). But Trish, who is supplying my Sookie crack, is about to spit out her little girl Rosalind, so she’s been a bit preoccupied and I haven’t gotten the next book.

So, in the meantime, I picked up “Bitter is the New Black” by Jen Lancaster.

And I cannot put it down.
And I’m an expert and walking and reading now.

I started reading Jen’s blog after Todd sent me the link this post of her’s. It had me crying at my desk, so I bookmarked it and now I’m addicted to this bitchy, funny woman.

“Bitter is the New Black” is her first book of four, and it details her (and her husband’s) downward spiral from Dot Calm rich execs to barely scraping by to make bills. And what I love so much about this book is, while it’s really easy to not like her (although, I already did because I read her blog), you can’t help but love her. She knows she’s a bitch. She knows she’s materialistic. But over the span of the book, she evolves and realizes she needs to grow up. Then you start to really like her, and respect her.

I do believe I’ll have to make another run to Half Price Books to pick up her next three books.

Reading these also makes me want to write for a living. But what’s new?

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I’ve gotten really good at sleeping with earplugs in. I hardly wake up at all during the night.

But my ear holes hurt from having them in there all night.

What to do?

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Every now and then, I have a brief, powerful memory of the wedding that just hits me out of nowhere. And then I get teary eyed.

This most often happens when the song “Bombananza” by Bob Schneider comes across my iPod.

That was our first dance. And it turned into a conga line. And my bustle got ripped because somehow I ended up leading the conga line. As any bride should, I guess.

We didn’t want to have a first dance be a slow song, where we just rocked back and forth while everyone gazed at us and made us uncomfortable. That’s not our life at all.

So, after the cake cutting (during which we used FORKS to feed each other, thankyouverymuch) we walked down to the dance floor and hounded a couple of people to join us, while people wondered what the hell we were up to now.

Then Kyle pressed play.

Now THAT’S the way to start off a new life together.

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Okay, I’m off to kill time until dinner with my gals. Maybe a drink at the lovely little wine bar down the street while I read some more of “Bitter is the New Black.”

I’ll just skip the sour cream and guacamole at dinner.
See?! I can balance!

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UPDATE:

Rest assured, dear readers (and my HR department - Hi!), I am not job hunting. I really like my job. I love my boss and my co-workers, and I’m really lucky to have such a great group, especially with the wedding, honeymoon and all of the Tyler issues. They’re all very understanding. Yes, I feel like I’m in a lull right now, but I blame that solely on SAD. It’s dark here, it’s 50 degrees, and I just feel blah. About everything. So do most people I know right now.

Funny thing, though. In the book I’m reading, “Bitter is the New Black” Jen was bluntly turned down for a job just because of a website she put up. It was a list of all of the companies that wouldn’t hire her. She titled it “Companies That Suck”. As soon as she made mention of that website, I saw it coming. So yes, it’s always on my mind.

Rude Much?

A cow-orker just asked me if I was planning to lose weight for my wedding.

Um. No. Why?
Do you think I need to lose weight for my wedding?

You’re a bit on the hefty side. Why don’t YOU lose weight for my wedding?

I was actually very nervous when I was trying on wedding gowns. I thought there were going to be bulges and dimples and I would become one of those women who declared she would lose 20 pounds before her wedding day.

What a load of crap.

These are the happy times! You eat, you drink, you be merry. That’s makes a diet plan very hard.

Luckily, my dress is designed so that the dimples are hidden, the belly looks flat, and the hips are cleverly hidden. I look damn fine in my dress.

So I merely said, “No, I don’t plan to lose weight. My dress is a size 12 and I am perfectly happy with that.”

Now, I don’t plan to GAIN any weight either. Which is why I tell my co-workers to quit shoving chocolate at me.

The honeymoon, however, is a completely different story. It's gonna take one magical swimsuit to make me feel at ease on a beach.

Or a lot of cocktails.

Which I think can be arranged.

What Can I Tell You?

Let's see...

I tried to shop on Sunday. Everything was closed. Big stuff, like Target, was closed. Who knew? I braved blinding rain to go all the way down to Ikea for my nightstands and, while Ikea was actually open (and full of children in their easter church going attire) they were out of the nightstands. Wonderful. Every other store I tried to hit was closed, so I came home. Only to find that Aurora was also closed so I sat in traffic (still in the blinding rain), talking to mom on my headset (and accidently using the F a lot because I was extremely upset) for a very long time.

Once I got home, I immediately got into my jammies (or as Jessica calls them - pjammies. Which I absolutely love.) and curled up on the couch for the rest of the day. And then the sun came out. Freakin' fantastic.

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I lost my nosering. I was cleaning it and it fell down the sink drain THROUGH THE HAIRTRAP. Tenacious little thing. Since I was going up to Capital Hill Sunday evening to watch a movie with the Sheauns, I just walked to Laughing Buddha and got another one. However, it was apparently too small because the post kept falling and poking out of my nostril. Which will never do. So I called the apartment maintenance people yesterday and asked if they could please remove the elbow from the sink drain and see if the stud was still in there. And it was. I found it on my sink when I got home yesterday. Whew. Crisis averted.

And I think I'll drop off some brownies for the maintenance guy because I felt really weird asking him to fish my nosering out of a drain.

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Jessica stayed last night. We went to Blue C for dinner and to trivia at a pub afterwards. When we got home, she let me subject her to home movies for merely the cost of a bottle of wine. As long as her glass was full, she was enthralled in the videos. And that is why I love her.

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I have not seen Jamie since Thursday and I'm starting to have withdrawals. So we're having dinner tonight.

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My birthday is coming up.
Wha...? Who said that?

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I'm either depressed or getting a cold. I have no appetite today. And that is a clear sign that something is wrong. Maybe I just need a hug. It's amazing what just a hug can do for your well being. Everyone should get a hug at least once a day. From someone. Except from a crazy person on the street because that may not be so good for your well being.

But it might help them.

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I did not get a hollow chocolate easter bunny this year. Now, I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just letting you know. It's probably best. I don't need the calories. I tried on all of my shorts recently, and believe it or not, they're all too big. I see more shopping in my future. Especially since....

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I bought my first plane ticket of the summer! Going to Nestorville for a week in July. I'm going to run around barefoot (well, walk around. I don't run unless there is something very large and scary chasing me), play in the creek and discuss all of the pros and cons of cow manure. It is truly a magical time.

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Hmm. And I think you're all caught up now.

Breaking News!

Apparently, when you lose weight, you drop a shoe size. I'm at 6.5 now. Interesting. The ring size has also dropped - we're down to a 4 now. My favorite ring is slipping off. Crap.

In other weight loss news, I lost two pounds over vacation. Feel free to send me hate mail.

I spilled oatmeal on my skirt this morning. It looks like I threw up on myself. Just another reason I never buy good clothes. And I was lookin' hot today! Black sweater, black skirt, black tights, new black patent leather heels. I got it goin' on. Except for the oatmeal.

I got a phone number last night at Conor Byrne. Yeah, BABY, I got it goin' ON.

No big plans for New Year's tonight. I may just hang out on Darragh's couch and treat myself to some champagne. Screw the apple cider. We should be able to see the fireworks from his balcony.

Just about 12 hours left in this godforsaken year. Can I get a HELL YEAH!?

I've had three cups of coffee today. Think anyone will notice?

Happy New Year, faithful reader! Here's wishing everyone a fantabulous 2008!!

My New Project

I think I'm going to create a new magazine.
And title it - "You Will Never Be This Pretty".

I was flipping through the magazines in the kitchen while my lunch was heating up and it's just sickening. They have an article on "Love Your Body!" but throughout the article are ads with wet, half naked, size 2 women in them. So they're saying, love your body, but you really should look like this!

Regardless of how much weight I loose, I will never be a size 2. Ever. I have wide, childbearing hips, a large bosom and thighs that, if you piss me off, I can crush you with. I am curvy. Period.

Yes, I like being smaller. Because I was hovering around 150 there for a while and I just felt like I was hangin' out all over. But even at 150, a few people still said I was sexy (I think it's just the hair. They boys LOVE the long hair.....) Now that I'm a little smaller, I'm more confident and I don't feel so uncomfortable. It's easier to cross my legs, my bras don't dig into my sides and my pants don't pinch at my waist.

So, even though I joke about my clothes being too big and all this weight I'm loosing, it's not because I want to look like those ugly stick women in the magazines. I'm not striving to get down to 110lbs. Honestly, it's just a nice perk that's come with this new life I've been thrust into.

And I feel more beautiful right now than I ever have before.
(except for this damn pimple on my chin)

One Thirty Two

Are you tired of hearing about how much weight I've lost? If so, skip this post.

Since it's 56 degrees here today, I thought I'd revert back to semi-summer clothes and break out the khakis (I don't care about that whole light pants after whatever day crap) . So, I put on my very favorite Bass khakis that I haven't worn since August, and well, they just look silly now. I think I'm probably down 3 or 4 sizes. Rachelle gave me a pair of size 10 jeans, because she's dropping the weight too, although she's working her ass off for it, and after wearing them around the house last night, they're just falling off of me. Most of my pants are 12s and now they all have safety pins in the side.

I've come to the conclusion that my life used to revolve around food because I was bored with everything else in it. I would be eating breakfast at work and already thinking about what I was going to make for dinner. And if I was going to cook, it was going to be An Event. Complete with a bottle of wine and dessert. It's a total girlfriend/wife thing. Providing meals for your man. Being the planner, the nuturer. Is that a word?

I actually slipped into that mindset a few months ago when McP came over to watch a movie. I started planning a dinner. And it was stressing me out. I called him to see what he wanted and he said "Um, you don't have to cook. It's just a movie." Oh. I don't need to feed you? Huh. Okay. That makes life a little easier.

I don't know what my life revolves around anymore (my couch? blogging?) but it's not food. Dinners aren't that big of a deal anymore. I'm happy with pita chips and hummus. The pretty pink pills do require that I actually eat dinner because I can't take them on an empty stomach, so I guess that's a good thing. It gets me eating whether I want to or not.

And I'm sure the lack of jack-n-cokes isn't hurting either.

Silver Linings

Sometimes, in the midst of pain and despair, you must focus on the little things to make it all worthwhile. Yes, most of my time is spent either in my sweats, curled up on the couch or at work, sitting at my desk and crying, but occasionally, I find myself smiling at something and, in a really rare moment, actually laughing.

Wendy was a big ol' silver lining this past weekend. And I didn't realize how much of a silver lining until I got back from dropping her off at the airport and was sitting on my couch in my dark, empty apartment. Then real life came rushing back to and whack! I fell over, turned on the football game and zoned out for the rest of the day.

We spent a lot of time venting, telling stories and reminiscing. She made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to choke, and she hugged me and told me it was all going to be okay. She told me stories from her past that made me realize everyone makes mistakes and screws their life up for a bit. I am no different. It felt good to have her, and her support, all to myself for three whole days.

And we ate alot of bread and cheese. So much bread and cheese that I thought for sure I'd gained 5 pounds in three days. But then, I got dressed for work this morning. I put on my last remaining pair of black pants that fit me. And, believe it or not, they don't fit me. I can literally pull them off without unbuttoning them. I guess stress burns a shit load of calories. I don't feel bad about flying through the chocolate covered cherries now. But I do feel bad about the money I'm going to have put on the credit card so I can buy new pants.

Yep. Gotta find the silver lining in every situation.

No Words to Describe My Weekend

My god, I've spoiled you people. Two whole days without a post and you're beating down my inbox. I know you won't believe me, but there are things that go on here in Raechelle-land that I don't write about. And it's those things, that I don't write about, that made for a shitty, shitty weekend.

So what can I tell you?

Friday was the Day of the Dead party.
Started out fine, got bad, I drank a shit load of wine, it got even worse.

Saturday I woke up, the worseness continued, I slept until 6pm. I crawled to the couch, watched two Cold Cases, two CSIs, the Bionic Woman, SNL and then went back to bed.

Sunday, I spent the day at Shaun's, wrapped up in a blanket, watching the Colts/Patriots game on one TV and the Seahawks/Bears game on another TV. Came home.

Then Steve came over to bring me some random mail. And he told me he's seeing someone.

(insert crickets chirping here)

She has a three year old daughter.

(more crickets chirping)

I'm fine. Really. Just fine. And oh yes, he sees the irony there. We ended up talking for two hours and it was nice. It felt like we were friends. And to put a big fat positive spin on it, a post break up hurdle has been cleared. One Of Us Is Dating. It's every man for himself now.

Pants That Fit, Fog, Rebellious Driving, Sappy Crap & Balsamic Vinegar

My day started out with putting on pants that actually fit! Some people are going to be so happy about this. My new, smaller jeans I bought back in July are now too big. Well, they're comfy. They're not flattering at all. But I bought a pair of green cords at Goodwill on Saturday that fit me W E L L. No more sagging seat area! And I'll have you know, now that I can see it, my ass is lookin' good.

Then I drove to work in a cloud. A big, thick cloud. I think I'd rather drive in snow. At least I can see two car lengths ahead of me.

And to add to the danger, I ran a red light. On purpose. Actually, the lady beside me and I both ran the red light. Safety in numbers, right? There's a light on Market Street that is specifically for pedestrians. Well, it turned red, we waited, no pedestrians........and then the light didn't change to green. The walk sign went back to the orange hand, but the light stayed red. I creeped up a little. The lady next to me creeped up a little. We looked at each other. We shrugged. We creeped up a little more. We looked at each other again. We smiled and nodded. We drove through the red light. I felt like I was in a gang.

Work is actually okay. Keeping busy, listening to the iPod, singing along. Being pro-ductive. Oh, I finally brought pictures to work. I've never had pictures at work. I had said after I got hired on directly (because I temped here for three months, then got hired on) that I would celebrate by personalizing my desk. Never happened. In May, I finally brought two pictures of me and Steve, and then we broke up, so in the trash they went. I think I took it as a bad omen. But now I have pictures of my folks and some of my friends and it brings a smile to my face to look at them. Reminds me that I'm loved.

Anywho, enought the sappy crap.

Now I'm waiting for my buddy to get her lunch break so we can walk down to World Wrapps and I can get a bento box. I shouldn't spend the money, but the soup I brought just doesn't look appealing. I don't know why I keep buying soup. I don't like soup. There's no accessories when you eat soup. It's just soup. Soup sucks. Unless you have a grilled cheese with it.

Speaking of lunch, the bistro is serving something that has balsamic vinegar in it. Which makes me nauseous (I have to look that word up every single time I try to type it). Steve used oil and balsamic vinegar for salad dressing and if he didn't rinse his bowl out right after we ate, it would just make me sick. I like the taste of it, but the smell is disgusting. I've moved the bottles of it at the Lockspot Cafe because people use it on their fish-n-chips so there's a bottle at each table. Even with the lid on, the smell creeps out.

Just something to know about me.

New Phone, Friday Night, Dog Shit

First of all, would someone PLEASE call me? My new phone has not rung in a week, I am not joking. Cyn and McP have been out of town, and Shaun and I have been emailing, so I have no idea what my new phone sounds like. Texting is good too. I think that's a different tone. If I weren't in such a peaceful and zen like state of mind, I could see how I could take this no phone call thing personally, thus decending down into the pit of dispair, where I would lay in my brand new bed the entire weekend and wonder why no one loves me and what the hell did I do to the universe to deserve such cruelty.

But alas........I am very peaceful. I am loved. Ohmmmm

In other news, I think I'm getting better at this alone thing. It's Friday night and I've chosen to stay home. Alone. I was invited to a Halloween party, where I could have worn the Bloody Mary dress, which I absolutely love. But I chose to stay home. Cyn texted and wanted to meet up for a drink in Fremont, but I texted back and said I wasn't up for leaving the apartment. I made a lovely little dinner, I'm enjoying my second glass of chardonnay and I just watched Singles. It's one of my favorite movies. And it's even more entertaining now that I live in Seattle and can pinpoint where scenes were filmed. I'm very cool like that.

Let's see, what else is going on.

Oh, it's beautiful here again today. This is the view out my kitchen window:

Look at that blue sky! I actually couldn't wait to get home and go for a walk so I could watch the sunset again at Sunset Hill Park. Three walks this week! I'm at 136 now (I was 149 on June 9th - I do not fear the numbers.....) so I'm suddenly very motivated to walk more. I see results and boy howdy, I like what I see. And as long as we have this beautiful weather, walkin' ain't so hard. Now, when the rain and darkness sets in, I may have to rethink my strategy. But I can't stop the momentum now. The holidays are coming (which means lots and lots of chocolate covered cherries......lots of them) so I've got to keep on it.

And I've discovered Vitamin Water. Cyn turned me onto this stuff when I showed up at her apartment one morning, severly hungover and sad, unable to eat or even sit upright. She fed me toast with cheese and forced me to drink a big bottle of Vitamin Water. And it was yummy. Since I have this little problem of not drinking enough water, I thought I'd try keeping my fridge stocked with this stuff. And man, am I going through it. Normally in the car:

Ruby is not happy with me at all. She's filthy, she has dog shit on her pedals* and now empty, plastic water bottles in her backseat. I think I hear her asking "What is happening to you? Remember when you wouldn't let people with dirty shoes get in me? Remember when you'd freak out if you couldn't smell that new car smell? Now you're leaving garbage in my back seat because you're too lazy (loaded word) to carry it in the apartment?" Yeah, yeah, get off my back, Ruby. I've been busy. Just chill out. You'll get a bath soon.

*Dog shit - I got in my car Sunday, on my way to Shaun's, and about four minutes into the drive I felt a mud-like substance on my right shoe and on the gas pedal. My first instinct was to drag my shoe across my floormat to wipe my shoe off. As soon as I did that, the smell hit me. Crap. Literally. I pulled over to a 7-11 and after surveying the damage, threw the floormat away. There was no way I was going to shampoo that thing. I'll just buy new $20 Fred Meyer floor mats. I drug (dragged?) my shoe through the grass numerous times and took a wad of moistened paper towels to the gas and break pedals to clean the dog shit off but there's still some stuck in the grooves.

A note to dog owners, from a non-dog owner: I don't own a dog for a reason. I don't like the smell of dog shit, and I don't like dealing with dog shit. Most Seattle dog owners are very responsible and clean up after their pooch. Good on ya! But one dog owner, who walks their (I'm guessing) very large dog down 56th, is not so responsible. And to that person, I would like to say, "You freakin' suck." And you owe me money for my floor mat that is now in a trash can at 7-11 with dog shit on it.

But I am at peace and zen-like on this lovely evening, so we don't need to dwell on such negative topics.

Happy weekend to you!

My New Favorite Pastime

I spent a half hour last night putting on clothes that, just mere months ago, were too tight. And holy crap, I look good in them now. My pink and black zigzaggy dress that I wore to Lisa's bachelorette party last year - FANTASTIC! My white, eyehook, low cut blouse - HOT STUFF!

One of these days there will be a gathering of somesort and I'll have a recent picture to post. Then you'll see..........

The Storm Has Passed

Apparently something was just out of alignment last week, because this week is proving to be much more.....tolerable. While I'm still running at break-neck speed at work, my mood is relatively chipper and much less angry. I bet my lovely weekend helped a little.

I really don't have anything major to report. No cute, little anecdotes to share. I'm not blue, so I don't need to get mushy and sappy about life and being alone and waah. Let's see....what can I tell you?

My smaller jeans that I bought are now too big and I must buy even smaller jeans. That's always nice.

I put curtains up in the living room. That softens the place a bit. I still need to get stuff up on the walls.

It occurs me, as I scarf down lunch, that I haven't eaten dinner in two days. I get sidetracked and then end up going to bed. That's probably the reason for the smaller jeans. So, in response, I've emailed a friend about having dinner tonight.

Cyn's been gone for eight days and I miss her terribly. She'll be back tomorrow so I'm thinking we'll party it up this weekend.

I'm going to the Pogues concert in a couple of weeks with my irish Sheans. There may have to be whiskey and Guiness beforehand.

I still have not bought a plane ticket for christmas because my boss still has not approved my time off request. That's on my list of things to tackle today.

I think you're all caught up now.

Fate

I spilled a half a cup of coffee (from my 16oz mug) on my lap this morning. On my khakis. I didn't get the the lid on straight. Nice, huh?

So I went home to change pants and discovered I can fit into my green Eddie Bauer pants again. I haven't been able to button them in about 6 months.

See? Everything happens for a reason.....