I went to see The Nannie Diaries last night with Rachelle and two of her girlfriends. I'm not normally a girls' night kind of chick, but this was really nice. And I think it helps that these women are 1) older, 2) single and 3) not girly. I don't normally choose to hang with women. Especially girly women. If I'm looking for social time, it's normally because I want to be distracted from Real Life, so I call on my guy friends for some pool and superficial conversation about movies or cars.
I told this to one particular female friend after Steve and I broke up and I was spending a lot of time with men rather than women, and her response was, "Well, you just need to get over that and call on your girlfriends more!" Um. Yes. Okay.
Anyway, after the movie, we walked down the street to get a drink in this new, very posh and hotel like bar in the U District. Sitting around the table, looking at these women and our glasses of wine and hearing the jazz from the little quartet in the corner, I was very much reminded of Sex and the City. I didn't watch it when it was on HBO, but have started watching the PG version on broadcast at 11pm every night. I like it. And I relate a little more these days than I did when it first started airing. I don't know who I would have pegged myself as last night. Too tomboyish to be Charlotte, too feminine to be Miranda, too insecure to be Samantha.....maybe Carrie? Except I don't chain smoke. Although I am sitting here in bed, posting this on a laptop.
I think I may have even felt the stir of a new characteristic within myself. This has been happening more and more frequently in the last couple of years. I'll find myself interested in something that, in the past, I would have scoffed at, and it makes me stop and say, "Huh. I must be growing....." Last night I actually enjoyed the company of women and that's not like me. Maybe I've hit that age where I need that in my life.
It almost feels like, forgive me for getting all introspective on you, a fog has lifted. I'm no longer....smothered. I hate to use that word because I really didn't feel like that when I was with Steve, but it suits my vision. Now that I don't have someone else to distract me, I may actually have to look at myself and the changes that are taking place.
My Carrie Bradshaw moment:
Are we ever really able to be in a long term relationship without succumbing to a fog?