I'm So Torn.....

I just read about this on KomoNews.

An alcohol delivery service.
Oh, gawd help us.

Luckily, TBFE and I can just walk down to QFC if we need more beer or wine (that doesn't sound good, does it?) But for people who don't live within stumbling distance of a grocery or liquor store, and we don't want those people driving, they can order in.

I can see both pros and cons.
Discuss.

Have You Ever....

Have you ever actually run out of dental floss? Like (yes, I know I used like, gimme a break) you're pulling it out, gettin' ready for the nightly floss and you pull out maybe two inches and that's all you have?

How does that happen?

I think it's fate that I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. I'll get more floss.

Whew. Crisis averted.

And have you ever flossed after having three glasses of wine and you can't get the floss wrapped around your finger just right so you're kinda befuddled about how to actually get your fingers in there to get the floss behind those very back teeth? And you end up poking yourself in the roof of your mouth with your fingernails, the fingernails that you should cut so you can actually play guitar instead of just talking about it to men who strike up conversations with you and you try to impress them so you tell them you're a singer songwriter, when actually, you've written just five songs over seven years and that's just pathetic really, especially when you haven't played out in over a year.........

uh.

I ran out of dental floss and flossing is tricky after you've been drinking.

I'm going to bed.
Goodnight.

Weekend Update

Dinner club on Friday was nice. Lots of gals, lots of food, lots of girl talk. I ended up staying a few hours. I would have loved to have stayed longer, but my head was still killing me. So much so that, while I laid down around 10pm, I didn't actually fall asleep until after midnight. I hate that.

Saturday, I ended up sleeping until almost 1pm. I guess headaches really drain you. I got up, ate something, then laid back down for two hours. So Saturday was shot.

I did go out to my gal's dinner that evening. My friend would have beaten me if I had bailed. And I treated myself a filet mignon wrapped in bacon. Oh boy. Good stuff. And I don't normally eat steak. But since we went a steak house, well, I got the steak. Could have gotten the salmon, but I have salmon all the time. So I got steak.

Afterwards, I swung by the Fiddler's Inn to join the Sheauns and a couple of other friends for some live music. But the headache was back in full swing by this time, so I was very out of it and just wanted to go home. Which I did. Around midnight.

Sunday, I was up early thanks to my upstairs neighbor. Her mother was packing to leave and apparently is not used to having someone living below her. She made no attempt to be quiet at 8:30am. So like it or not, rested or not, headache or not! I was up early.

I went by Target before heading to Shaun's for the superbowl. And I purchased two new lampshades for The Boudoir. No, no lamps. Just the shades. Baby steps.

Then off to watch the SuperBowl.
And here's where it all goes downhill.

Guess whose inner-alcoholic pushed her off the wagon, face first in the mud, and made her drink an entire bottle of wine by herself? And then gave her a camera?

And guess who hid her phone (no drunk texting!) and keys, but kept refilling her glass until we were completely out of wine?

(And then there's the good, sober Rachelle. Crocheting. Not knitting, mind you! Crocheting. There is a difference!)

Yes, quite the SuperBowl party. Shaun let me vent and cry for what felt like hours after Raechelle and Claudia left. Apparently, I still have some pent up emotions that could only be released with a good Cabernet. And those emotions are now all over Shaun's couch pillows. I should wash those for him.

And yes, the game itself was a shocker. Who knew the Giants would actually win? And the poor Patriots! To go alllllll season, undefeated, only to lose in the SuperBowl? Man. I bet they're in a sad state today.

And here we are at Monday. Yes, I still have a headache, but I now can't determine if it's the migraine or a hangover. I'll re-assess the situation tomorrow.

Wine + Chocolate = Life's Band Aid

How does a formerly depressed party girl handle the bugger of a curve ball that life has just thrown at her?

She goes to Ray's Boathouse with Jamie and has two glasses of wine and big ol' piece of chocolate carmel cake for lunch.

Now, she gives herself permission for this midday overindulgence because 1) she is in a safe environment with her girlfriend 2) there are no cute boys around inwhich to lure her into a precarious situation (well, there are, but Jamie is a true friend and nips that in the bud before Party Girl can even say "Hey baby!") and 3) she leaves her cell phone at home so she cannot drunk text or dial anyone of importance. Our Party Girl has taken all necessary precautions.

It must have been an okay decision because life is looking much better this morning. And our Party Girl has survived relatively unscathed.

Except for a slightly bruised heart.

Falling Off The Wagon

I had a drink last night. Not a measly little glass of wine, but a Flirtini. Razberi vodka, cointreau and champagne. Holy crap. I haven't had hard alcohol since the Pogues show in October.

And, in case you're wondering - no, it wasn't worth it.

I got home from dinner and was just sad. I was clingy and cold and craving a hug and my apartment was dark and empty. This isn't anything new, but it really hasn't bothered me before. Oh, but then one cocktail and suddenly I'm just a puddle of blue. Yes, I believe that is the very definition of cause and effect. My work day sucked too, which I'm sure contributed to the mood (and the permission I gave myself for the cocktail).

So, lesson learned. No more cocktails. Well, unless hugs are nearby. Then just one cocktail. One. I mean it.

Errands, Tiny Stuff and Sobriety

My Saturday was not as productive as I had hoped.

I didn't get my christmas cards mailed. The Sip-n-Ship was out of holiday stamps. And I didn't spend all that energy making those freakin' cards, and the pretty return address labels, only to use american stamps. No way. So I'll stop by there one morning this week, when they get more festive stamps in.

I did buy another pair of black boots and two pretty scarfs at Goodwill. That was a highlight. These boots will replace another pair of Goodwill boots that are extremely uncomfortable, so it's not like I'm actually adding to the boot pile. Just substituting. And I'm getting into wearing scarfs with outfits. I kept my pretty, red chenille scarf all night Friday night and it really was pretty warm. So I got this really long, crocheted beige scarf that could go with anything. Hip and warm. I love it.

And I treated myself to a happy meal for lunch. Some people may be embarrassed to 1) even go to McDonald's and 2) order a happy meal at the age of 32, but it's just the perfect amount of food. Even maybe a bite or two too much. Little cheeseburger, little fries, little coke. And I got a toy. Strawberry Shortcake.

After lunch, I stopped into JoAnn's to get bags for the christmas cookies that I'll be making this afternoon. I love JoAnn's. These bags were $.99 with 60%. I got 20 of them. Can't have too many bags.

But then I completely lost it and ended up buying a little tree and little ornaments for my office.

A waste of $12, yes, but come on. That is one cute little tree.

And then last night was the christmas party. I gave Jessica and her man a ride and even, gasp, drove them home. Because I was sober. At a party. Wow.

I nursed a glass of red wine for two hours, then a glass of champagne for two hours. Didn't finish either one of them. Didn't really need to. You know those moment when you're "on"? When people laugh at your jokes and you actually mingle well? That's the kind of night I had. There are nights when I have no umph to leave the couch and I'm tired and I just don't want to talk to anyone (like last weekend's christmas party). But I was actually social last night, so I kept busy. When midnight rolled around, though, I was exhausted. I told Jessica I was leaving and she asked if I was okay to drive. I thought it about it for a minute and said "Uh, yes. How weird." So I ended up taking them home, too.

And now I need to go bake. Well, at some point this afternoon. I'm not motivated right now. Maybe I need a nap.

A Few Epiphanies

I attended Rachelle's christmas party last night. This was my first, big social gathering since The Shit Officially Hit The Fan the first of November. And since I'm not drinking, I was a smidge apprehensive. Would I be able to be social? Would people talk to me? Would I feel so awkward I would completely sweat through my red, velvet top?

Well, I wasn't too social, people did talk to me, and I hardly sweat at all because it was 29 degrees out and I just couldn't get warm, despite the hot tea I drank all night. And I had a pretty good time.

First epiphany:
I drink because I'm insecure. Period. In big social gatherings, with alot of strangers, I don't feel pretty, I don't feel funny and I can't talk about thesises or politics or referendums because I know nothing about that stuff. So I start slamming back the wine/jack/hot buttered rum.

I had given myself permission last night to have one glass of wine. One. But I never had it. I watched the rest of the group (with the exception of McP and Darragh and Val, a friend of Rachelle's) get absolutely shitty and it completely opened my eyes. I saw one woman, in particular, go through a complete metamorphosis over the span of five hours. When I got there, at 7:30pm, she was very well put together, her hair was styled, she stood tall in her boots and her eyes were bright and smiling.

When I left at 1:00am, her hair was wild, her eyes were half closed, she was slouched on a bar chair and she was damn near shouting. And it hit me - that's me at almost every party.

And that is ugly.

At the end of the night, I was still standing tall, looking good (oh yes I was), steady in my boots and although my eyes were heavy because I was exhausted, they were clear. I drove myself home safely and woke up this morning (okay, this afternoon) feeling freakin' fantastic. I didn't make an ass of myself, I didn't say anything inappropriate (I don't think), I didn't spill red wine on Rachelle's white carpet and I didn't make out with anyone I shouldn't have. Okay, I didn't make out with anyone at all. Poo.

Second epiphany:
I don't eat much at all. Okay, this may not sound like an epiphany to you, but there's more. Rachelle made meat balls, gingerbread, cookies, some cheese log thing, there were chips and crackers and nuts......all kinds of goodies. And I didn't eat a damn thing. Nada. I had some pasta before I left the house, knowing I wouldn't want to go there hungry and eat a bunch of crap, but I didn't have the slightest bit of interested in anything. The meatballs looked good, I can always eat me some cheese, and the bowls of nuts sat right in front of me the entire night and I ate nothing. Well, I had one cashew. Shaun made me. It's a long story.

Think of how many calories I saved by 1) not grazing and 2) not drinking. And then today, I made two eggs and two pieces of toast for breakfast (and three cups of coffee.....gotta have a vice) and then didn't eat anything until dinner, just a few minutes ago. I remember not being able to stay out of the kitchen. I would get bored and go through the pantry munching on chips or nuts, then into the fridge to get some cheese, then back to the pantry for another cracker or three. I just don't wanna anymore. Something inside me has just flipped. Maybe I'm in a better space now so I don't feel the need to compensate my unhappiness with food? It's all very deep.......

The true test will be when I'm at my parents'. I tend to graze a lot when I'm there. They always have chips and chocolate and I end up buying cheese and crackers (they're like my security blanket).

Third epiphany:
7-11 rocks. I was out of milk so I walked two blocks to the friendly neighborhood store. I got the milk, then just looked around to see what else they carry in case I find myself in need again. They have Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Frozen Yogurt. I debated for a good three minutes about that one. I ended up getting some pizza rolls (another vice) and a Sunday paper and was pleasantly pleased with my 7-11 experience. I wholeheartely recommend them for your basic grocery needs.