Happy Pills

How do I know that my happy pills are really working?

I haven’t taken one since Friday morning and I'm freakin' LOSING IT today.

I started to call and refill my prescription Saturday morning, but then I noticed that I don’t have anymore refills. I figured I’d be fine for a couple of days, since Monday was a holiday, and I wouldn’t be able to talk to my doctor until today.

Oh, but the mood started yesterday. I thought it was just because I hadn’t had any alone time in a couple of days and I was just oversaturated.

But it is so much worse today. I woke up stressed and panicked. I’m having a really hard time keeping a tone out of my voice when dealing with people on the phone. It feels like I’m just freaking out on the inside, and I’m using all of the energy I have to suppress that and appear “calm”.

I’m just exhausted.

I remember this feeling. This used to be very common for me. I was wound up for no reason, I had virtually no fuse whatsoever, and it felt like I had chugged four lattes – I could not sit still.

I guess it’s nice to know the pills are actually working, huh?

Weekend Update

I think I need a vacation day to recover from my three day weekend.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Saturday, after blogging, Kayleigh and I got ourselves together and headed out to tackle Southcenter mall.  And tackle we did. We started with lunch at Blue C, always a good way to start off a holiday weekend, then we hit Macy's, where I bought yet another huge bra.  Kayleigh wanted to get fitted, so we did that, but soon realized that the Macy's personnel was not quite as thorough as the Nordstrom gals.  So we headed over to Nordstrom afterwards.

Kayleigh went through a big girl fitting and then splurged on some new delicate items.  I was a proud mama.  I ended up returning the big ass bra that I bought a while back because 1) it was too tight and 2) it made my chest break out.  Yuck.  And I still couldn't find anything to spend my Christmas gift card on.

After Nordies, there was Guitar Center (where Kayleigh had a gift card) and then World Market (where I had a gift card, and returned some things) and then Old Navy (where Kayleigh had a gift card - she scored at Christmas) and then Party City for some Oscarware, as we are having an intimate group over Sunday night for the Oscars awards.

Then we had to hussle back home so Kayleigh and Tyler could catch the bus to Chief Sealth for a band concert.  So Todd and I took the opportunity to have dinner out and play some pool.

And it was then I realized that I am really old.  My left thumb hurt when trying to hold the cue and my right shoulder hurt when pulling back the cue.  Wonderful. 

We wrapped up early so we could go pick the kids up after the concert, and then Todd played me songs on YouTube as I fell asleep on the couch.  It was a long day.

Sunday was Todd's OA meeting here at the house and my Emerald City Comicon Minion meeting downtown.  Yes, I volunteered to be a minion at ECCC.  Since Todd is going to be sitting on Artist Alley with his buds for three days, I thought it would be fun for me to actually work the con. 

Well, there's also the William Shatner and James Marsters component.  Hee hee.  At the minion meeting, I made sure to introduce myself to the department heads that manage the media guests.  And since I know two of the founders of the comicon, I chit chatted with them a bit, as well.  Yes, I know how to work it.

After the meeting, I walked down to Nordstroms to try, once again, find something to buy.  No luck.  It's quite frustrating.

I headed home about 5pm, and found that Todd's OA meeting was over and social time had started.  Landon was still hanging out, Ron had come over and we were waiting for Theresa to arrive from Grays River.  She and her husband are old friends of Todd's and they just had a cutie pie little baby!  So we got some baby time in, as well as some old friend time, as another old friend of their's that I hadn't met yet, came over, too.

I love nights like that.  Impromptu gatherings where I end up laughing my ass off and serving Honey Bunnies and carrots that were left over from the Chinese New Year party because I was not planning on hosting.  But everyone was happy.

And today was a pretty lazy day.  Sleeping in until 11am, a leisurely breakfast, a coffee date with Shandalla, then some quality solo time reorganizing my clothes in the closet, cleaning out and straightening my dresser drawers and nightstand drawer and sending out some cards I've been meaning to send for a while.  Muy productive.

Now I sit here and blab to you about my weekend while Kayleigh is in her room singing at the top of her lungs and Tyler is already in bed for the night and Todd is at yet another OA meeting.  I've got my glass of Pinot Gris beside me and Tom sprawled across my lap. 

And the news tells me that it's snowing downtown.  Huh.

Early Morning Ramblings

So, it's 8am. I am awake. I am on my second cup of coffee, and I'm eating an English muffin with Nutella.

I'm hooked on Nutella, and that's probably contributing to my weight gain.  Funny thing, on their website, they state that Nutella is the original hazelnut spread.  Is there another hazelnut spread?  I don't know of one.  So how can they be the "original" if there are no copies?

Anywho, I'm awake.  I woke up sneezing at 7:30am, and since I felt well rested and alert (and Tom was more interested in cleaning himself at my feet than cuddling), I figured I might as well actually get out of bed.  Plus, Monday is a holiday, so I have two more mornings to try to sleep in.

My bedside this morning:

That corner isn't as cluttered as it looks.  Just FYI.

Yes, those are tissues.  Also, please note the cough drop, earplugs and water on the table.  This is standard every night.  I get on my coughing fits in the middle of the night, so I chug some water hoping that will help, but it never does, so I pop a cough drop and suck on that as I go back to sleep.   I am well aware that this is dangerous.  But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get some sleep.

Also, while looking for that picture, I ran across this one.

Aren't my boys precious?  Nap time at the Downing household.

And just to prove that Tom is a complete whore, and will lay on anyone and everyone:

This is Jenn and Scott, my new favorite people.  They came up for dinner in January, and it didn't take long for Tom to introduce himself to Scott's lap.  Luckily, they're cat people too.

I think I'll take Kayleigh shopping today.  Go to the mall, have some lunch with my girl, toodle around.  It's really sunny, but really windy here today.  We actually have snow in the forecast:

Care to take bets on if this will really happen?  We need some excitement around here!

Sigh.

What to do until Kayleigh wakes up?  I could go clean up my tissues, huh?  Maybe reorganize the clothes in my closet.  I'd like to have all of my T-shirts together, blouses together, strappy summery tops together.  Then I want to organize them by color.  Do I have the energy to do that right now?  Eh.  Maybe.  I could work on my address book, too.  I bought a new one (thank you, mommy, for my Barnes & Noble gift card).  I found, when doing Christmas cards, that my address book was horribly out of date.  I didn't remember some names I had in there.  And I still can't bring myself to erase Maydell's address.  I'll just leave her in there for now.  It's hard not to send her a Christmas card.

Moving on!  Happy thoughts!

I'm thinking more about that closet.  Todd is sitting here beside me, playing online with his buddies, so he doesn't need my attention right now.  Both cats are sleeping, both kids are sleeping.  I could get showered and cleaned up.  Maybe do some grooming.

Or maybe I need another cup of coffee first.  Just to really get the blood pumping.

Yeah, that sounds good.....

Happy Saturday!

Bad Blogger! And Lady Gaga.

I have been such a bad blogger.  I'm so sorry.  I'm keeping myself busy with all of these random projects, but that just means that when I get a chance to sit down and surf, I'm brain dead and can't form a post.  It's a catch 22 really.

Did I ever tell you what I used to eat for lunch in high school?  A small bag of Sour Cream & Onion potato chips, a Little Debbie fudge brownie (with those little chunks of walnuts on top) and a Coke.

Swear ta gawd.  Sometimes I'd have some change so I'd buy the deep fried mozzarella sticks or a slice of cold, square pizza.  It's amazing I was as thin as I was.

I think of this because I'm eating a Subway sandwich and a bag of Sour Cream & Onion chips for lunch today.  And a Diet Coke, thankyouverymuch.

Speaking of eating and my body, I've decided that if I could have any woman's figure, I would choose Lady Gaga's.  I watched her interview with Anderson Cooper before the Grammy's on Sunday and was pleasantly surprised at how normal she is.  Both physically and mentally.  There's one segment in the interview where she's in nude underwear ("I just didn't feel like wearing clothes") and she's normal.  She's not bone thin, or impeccably smooth and tight.  She's your typical female figure.  She's got some butt, and a little round tummy.  I would love to have a little round tummy (as opposed to a large dimpled tummy).  Rather than shooting for 98lbs, maybe I'll shoot for Gaga's figure.  Much nicer.  More natural.

And also, I totally agree with her comment about how changing your name can free you.

I used Raechelle in Kindergarten and first grade in West Virginia.  When we moved to Texas, somehow, my first name stuck.  Brenda.  I was Brenda until I moved to Seattle in 1999.  My sister asked how she should introduce me.  I told her I wanted to use Raechelle.  It was a new city, a new state, a new part of the country, new people, new boys.  Let's just all be new.

And Raechelle I became.

It was very liberating and a bit.....mysterious?  Dangerous?  Secretive?  Rebellious?  Granted, I ended up being the exact same person I was when I was known as Brenda, but Raechelle seems to fit this new life here in the Pacific Northwest.  Now if I move to North Carolina, I may have to call myself BrendaRae.  Ya know, with a twang.

Anywho, I'll try to be a more diligent blogger.  There's stuff that I want to tell you about, I just don't seem to get the time to jot it down.  I need a vocal blogger thing.  I talk to myself all the time.  If I could just record my rambles and have it transcribed onto this here blog, I would blow your minds.  Seriously.

I'll have to work on that...

Chinese New Year

My apologies.  My mother has scolded me for not writing for over a week.  I've been busy!  Work is busy, home is busy.  And yet, I really didn't have anything to tell you about.

But here you go!

We hosted Darlene's 12th Annual Chinese New Year party on Saturday.  I say it's Darlene's party because she's organized this gathering in the past, but just moves it around to different people's homes. 

Keepin' it real, yo.

Since it's the year of the rabbit, and I'm a rabbit, Darlene and I hosted in our bunny ears.

And our makeshift tails.

Darlene provided the finger foods.

Her man made the bunny sandwiches.

We're all about a theme.

There was rabbit trivia and other games, but the finale was photographing Kayleigh's stuffed bunnies for the Playbunny photo shoot.

Dirty bunnies.

There's two more pictures, but this is a PG blog, so I don't feel it would be appropriate to post them.

However, we here in Raechelleland tend to push the bounds of that PG rating, with photos like this:

I will leave these men unnamed, but I will tell you what's in those shot glasses.

Three Penis Liquor.

I kid you not.  One of these men brought that crap back from China and it was quite the novelty.  I might have even had a shot of it.

Or two.

But I also remembered to drink my water after every glass of wine, so I wasn't doing too bad on Sunday. 

I don't know if I can say the same thing about Ron.

He was having a pretty good time around 1am.