Signing Off

Not permanently, silly.
Just for the weekend.

It's time to pack my computer. I've procrastinated and procrastinated, but there's nothing left to do. I have to unplug it.

This hurts me.

My kitchen is packed, except for the fridge. But I've already cleaned it out. The cabinets and drawers are bare. The magnetic knife rack has been removed.

The couch was picked up at 11:00am. So tonight I'm on the floor. That's okay. Tomorrow night I'll be in a big fluffy bed with a big fluffy guy.

Jamie came and took apart the big bookshelf. She'll pick it up tomorrow. I took a trunk load of stuff to Goodwill, and have yet another pile starting in the corner. The shower curtain is down, but I think I want to take one last soakie before I go to bed. Wonder if I can find a candle easily?

The curtains in the bedroom are down and I took the top piece off the dresser to make it lighter. We'll move it to West Seattle, where it will go to one of Todd's friends. It will have a good home. She said she'd take the curtains and the lampshades too, but I'm willing to rent a storage unit if that's what it takes to store them until I can have a spare room to boudoir-up.

So now I sit here, with my glass of champagne, looking at my naked apartment and I can't help but think back to where I was a year ago.

It was just about this time last year when my life imploded and I blew a fuse. I was sent home from work because I couldn't do anything but cry. I started taking the pretty pink pills, I stopped eating and my ass created a very prominent dent in my couch. Not a good time in Raechelle-land.

My goodness, look what a year can bring.

The emotions! Oy!
It's exhausting.

Well.
Here we go.

Cheers!

Emotional Rollercoaster From Hell

My day was good. I was busy, I was productive, I felt good. I helped facilitate a move in the office (which I thoroughly enjoy doing), I made a doctor so happy he told me he loved me and I got emails from new friends that made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes.

My evening was good. I walked with Val and Rachelle and we gave updates on our ever-so-exciting lives. We brainstormed about what I want to do for my birthday. I'm thinking girls' spa day (no, Shaun, you can't come). We hugged goodbye and all was right with the world.

And then I came home. And I felt myself sink. Just a little. No new emails. No phone calls. No text messages. I made dinner. Pasta. Big deal. And then, because I was freezing (and let me tell you I have just about had it with being cold) I ran a scalding hot bath. And then I sat there and cried. For probably a good 20 minutes. And I'm still crying.

What the hell? Am I tired? Is it PMS? Are those pent up emotions that snuck out at SuperBowl leaking back out? Even without wine? Is it loneliness? Is it residule break up shit? Why am I still going through this? Is this me now? 98% happy, perky gal and 2% crying, pathetic mess?

I feel like I am on very thin ice. The ice is strong enough to hold me up but there are some areas that, if I let my guard down, my foot will go right through. And I have to be very, very careful not to panic and just tumble into the water. If my foot goes though, well, I need to calmly pull my foot back up and slowly back away from the hole. Then find a better path.

The pretty pink pills were like a big, insulated life vest. A pink one. That way, if I fell through the ice, I would just bobble for a bit until I could pull myself out. I wouldn't drown. Well, I have taken the life vest off. Either I didn't think it would do any good, or the shade of pink clashed with my skin tone. I can't remember. Regardless, I have no vest. And my foot is in the water and it's getting damned cold.

Maybe I just need to go to bed, and try again tomorrow.

****Update****

You know how when a baby is screaming and crying, you can turn on a hairdryer or vacuum cleaner and it will instantly distract them so that they stop crying because they forget what they were even crying about? Did you not know this? You should know this. It will come in handy.

Anyway, calling a girlfriend does the exact same thing. I called Jamie and she made me laugh and we made plans for lunch tomorrow and suddenly, I have no more tears to cry. I told her about the hairdryer and the crying baby and she said "What, are you saying I'm loud?" No, sweetie. You distract me and make me forget why I was even upset. You stood on the ice, threw a rope in and pulled me out of the water. You even had hot cocoa for me.....

Tomorrow's post - props for Jamie.

Good Freakin' Morning

I've been awake since 8am. And I'm not at all happy about this.

Apparently one of the side effects of the pretty pink pills is that two hours after I take them, I keel over and fall asleep. Deeeeeep sleep. And then I wake up at 7:30 or 8am. This goes against everything I believe in. I like my sleep. So to roll over and see that it's not even 9am yet, well.......that just makes me unhappy.

On the bright side, the Seahawks are playing at 10am this morning, so at least I didn't oversleep and miss part of the game.

And it's snowing again.