Monday, February 11, 2008

Emotional Rollercoaster From Hell

My day was good. I was busy, I was productive, I felt good. I helped facilitate a move in the office (which I thoroughly enjoy doing), I made a doctor so happy he told me he loved me and I got emails from new friends that made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes.

My evening was good. I walked with Val and Rachelle and we gave updates on our ever-so-exciting lives. We brainstormed about what I want to do for my birthday. I'm thinking girls' spa day (no, Shaun, you can't come). We hugged goodbye and all was right with the world.

And then I came home. And I felt myself sink. Just a little. No new emails. No phone calls. No text messages. I made dinner. Pasta. Big deal. And then, because I was freezing (and let me tell you I have just about had it with being cold) I ran a scalding hot bath. And then I sat there and cried. For probably a good 20 minutes. And I'm still crying.

What the hell? Am I tired? Is it PMS? Are those pent up emotions that snuck out at SuperBowl leaking back out? Even without wine? Is it loneliness? Is it residule break up shit? Why am I still going through this? Is this me now? 98% happy, perky gal and 2% crying, pathetic mess?

I feel like I am on very thin ice. The ice is strong enough to hold me up but there are some areas that, if I let my guard down, my foot will go right through. And I have to be very, very careful not to panic and just tumble into the water. If my foot goes though, well, I need to calmly pull my foot back up and slowly back away from the hole. Then find a better path.

The pretty pink pills were like a big, insulated life vest. A pink one. That way, if I fell through the ice, I would just bobble for a bit until I could pull myself out. I wouldn't drown. Well, I have taken the life vest off. Either I didn't think it would do any good, or the shade of pink clashed with my skin tone. I can't remember. Regardless, I have no vest. And my foot is in the water and it's getting damned cold.

Maybe I just need to go to bed, and try again tomorrow.


You know how when a baby is screaming and crying, you can turn on a hairdryer or vacuum cleaner and it will instantly distract them so that they stop crying because they forget what they were even crying about? Did you not know this? You should know this. It will come in handy.

Anyway, calling a girlfriend does the exact same thing. I called Jamie and she made me laugh and we made plans for lunch tomorrow and suddenly, I have no more tears to cry. I told her about the hairdryer and the crying baby and she said "What, are you saying I'm loud?" No, sweetie. You distract me and make me forget why I was even upset. You stood on the ice, threw a rope in and pulled me out of the water. You even had hot cocoa for me.....

Tomorrow's post - props for Jamie.

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