You've read about the Boob Scare of '06.
You crossed your legs with me during the Colposcopy Scare of '09.
And now, it's the procedure you've all be waiting for. Coming to this blog, RIGHT HERE, in 10 days...
Yes, folks, it's the big one! The magic, the madness, the sedation, the IV! There will be purging of enormous proportions! There will be fasting, jello, clear liquids and, you can be sure, Valium (there MUST be Valium. Otherwise, ain't no way in hell they're gettin' that IV in me).
I went to see Dr. Pollock (swear ta gawd) because I was having some...*ahem*..."issues" in my buttular region. I have no qualms about these kinds of things. I've had crap going on (HA! CRAP!) all my life. I blame genetics. But a woman can only take so much. It's hard enough feeling sexy in the boudoir with 40 extra pounds on me. Add these frequent "issues", and well, something's gotta give. So since I'm a big girl now, I'm having it taken care of. Before the end of February. When my insurance runs out.
Anywho, after examining me and reading about my parents' cancers, Dr. P suggested a colonoscopy prior to the surgery. Just in case there was more going on than we thought. He said, and I quote "I would hate to get in there and mess around, then find out I have to go in again and mess around some more."
I like Dr. P.
So, next Friday, the 24th at 10am, I will be, as my daddy says, roto-rootered (love those hillbillies). Then, on the 29th at 8:30am, I will have, what I like to call, reconstructive surgery. I told Dr. P, "Make me pretty again!" He laughed and said, "I can't guarantee perfection. Just be aware." This is why he works on the nooks and crannies.
Until then, I will clean, clean, clean! I will worry about the IV later...