Not So Happy Post

Thanksgiving was nice.  Quiet, low key.  Four days off was wonderful.  Lots of sleeping.  We got to have dinner with our Tacoma friends, Jenn and Scott.  We decorated the house inside and out.  We Christmas shopped.  And Kayleigh and I went to see "Breaking Dawn" with Trish.

Laugh if you must.  But I loved it.
So there.


Then came Sunday.  I'm not sure what happened.  I just woke up in a funk.  And that funk would not let go.  It is now Wednesday and I'm still in the funk.  Usually, the holidays and the lights make me giddy.  I'm bouncing off the walls!

But not right now.

What's even funnier is that a friend left this comment on my Facebook page today:

"I still follow what you're up to, have always loved your happy attitude on life. Hugs to you and your family this holiday season."

Happy attitude?  Me?

I believe it was just last night I was telling Todd how it all seemed futile - waking up early, fighting traffic to sit in a cube for eight hours, fight traffic just to get home to eat, clean up and go to bed, day after day after day.  I just don't wanna anymore.  Sever case of the don't wannas.  I like sleeping so much because when I'm unconscious, I have no responsibility or obligation.  I'm "off".

I like being off.  Being on is exhausting.  Because I'm constantly thinking about how to be off.  It's like the background programs that run on your computer.  They're constantly whirring away, and it exhausts your computer.  Same thing.  There's a constant whirring in my head.

How can I turn off?

Sigh.

I fake it really well, don't I?  My therapist is very impressed.  She says "No wonder you're tired all the time!"  She also tells me that thinking about being off all the time is not normal.

Really?  Huh.  I've never known any differently.

Regardless, I know this little funk is only temporary and I will soon be back to my perky, neurotic self.  It's just really hard to muster through the day feeling like this.

On a happy note, how's about these lights?!