Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I’ve Got a Theory

It could be bunnies…..


In talking with my co-worker, Kermit (formerly known as Matabulor), I’ve come up with a theory.

Kermit tends to come over with all kinds of sweets and candy and cookies and chocolate. He’s one of those “keep your co-workers happy” kind of guys. I’ve been doing really well refusing his dark chocolate and gummy bears, but then yesterday, after a couple of weeks of nothing, he brought me a Dove dark chocolate bar.

“I know you’re on a diet, but dark chocolate is good for you.”

True dat, Kermie.

So, I have a little dark chocolate bar in my drawer now to keep me happy in the afternoons.

But then this morning, Kermit magically appeared in my cube with a plate full of chocolate brownies.

“I know I’m evil, but you want one?”

I debated for a good five seconds before I reached out and grabbed on. And it was like the Universe was fighting me – I could not get the brownie off of the plate. It was that gooey and moist. It was just stuck to the plate. Yum.

I took it down in two bites, then wiped the gooey chocolate off of my fingers with a tissue. As I did this, and while finishing my brownie, I declared to Kermit and Mr. Cranky Non-Decorating Co-Worker that screw the diet, I’ve just accepted the fact that I am big boned.

That got a good laugh.

I said, at least I’m happy right? I could be a 100 pounds and a stark, raving bitch. You wouldn’t want that would you?

Kermit laughed, then sobered up and said, “You know. Sometimes, there is a correlation there. Why do you think that is?”

I said, “Because women who are not naturally that thin are starving themselves to be skinny and they have no social life because they’re spending all of their free time working out.”

But look at me! Yes, I’ve got an extra 20lbs on me, but I’m happy! I eat and I drink and I be merry! If I denied myself wine and chocolate and pasta, I would not be pleasant to be around. I would be cranky, and sober, and exhausted.

And come on. Who really wants that?

Wouldn’t you rather have a happy Rae-rae?

Then how about sending Rae-rae some money so she can buy slightly bigger capris?


Anonymous said...

We might find a way to do that while you're home....


Raechelle said...

Gawd bless you, mommy.