From the Seattle Times:
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You are so hot you sizzle like bacon in a hot skillet. If you push determinedly to make your mark you will succeed. A significant other will be unable to resist your numerous charms later this evening.
This is very funny to me because I feel oh so far from charming right now. My hair is in a frizzy ponytail, I have my big pink cable knit sweater on to hide that fantastic PMS bloat, I'm rubbing my back as I sit here in my chair, squinting at the computer screen because my head hurts SO FREAKIN' BAD.
Yeah. I'm hawt.
Can't touch this.
Probably don't really want to, either.