What Just Happened?

I have obviously crossed into another generation. I am no longer a young, 30ish hip chick. It’s like I took a nap and technology advanced five years on me. I just took a nap!

The episode of Modern Family brought this home. Well, that, and my experience at Old Navy on Monday.

But first, Modern Family.

I love this show. I love the characters. I love the scenes from every day life that are thinly veiled as a story line. Last night, Claire, the mom with three kids and a husband that loves technology, couldn’t figure out how to turn on the TV. Her husband explained “You don’t point the remote at the TV, you point it at the receiver”.

“What’s a receiver?”

When the husband gets home one day, his beautiful, expensive remote is in pieces in the middle of the foyer. Claire calmly explains that she lost her temper as she was trying to turn on the TV.

It’s funny cause it’s true. We have a remote for the receiver (volume), a remote for the TV (to turn it on and off), a remote for the cable box (to change the channel), a remote for the DVD player and a remote for the Blu-Ray player (which does the same thing as the DVD player, only better. I’m told).

There’s talk of getting a universal remote. I think that’s probably a good idea. It would save some space in the coffee table drawer.

Oh phewy, is that all, you ask?

Oh, no. There's more.

Kayleigh and Todd had to teach me how to use the Wii. There’s a big button on the top and a little trigger underneath that I hit without thinking and it always throws us back a screen. And I couldn’t figure out where the pictures went in my new phone when Todd texted them to me, and the salesman had to set up the Bluetooth in my car because gawd knows I don’t have a clue about it because there's no directions in the car manual (and I had to look up how to spell “Bluetooth”! E or no E?!) And I couldn’t figure out how to cancel the wash on the dishwasher when Tyler started it without thinking (and without soap) so it just kept beeping at me, which I absolutely hate.

And the thermostat is programmed for some reason so when I’m cold and I just want some heat, like NOW, I get so mad because I push and push and push the Run button, but nothing happens! I turn the heat up to 80, I hit Run, I flick the switch to Auto, and eventually I’m just pounding on the damn thing muttering “I just want HEAT. Can’t you just TURN ON!! PLEASE?!”

Then Todd walks up to it, winks, and BAM. I hear heat coming through the vents. He tells me he just turned it on. I don’t get it.

And it’s not just my own techy ignorance. That’s not the only sign that I’ve crossed over. The world is morphing, and while I know this, there seems to be more pronounced evidence. I’m suddenly seeing all of these things now that make me go, “Huh. That’s different.”

At Old Navy, I purchased a $5 receipt accordion file. Very cute. I can now organize my receipts! Joint checking, personal checking, Todd’s checking, credit cards. Good times.

I actually had cash with me on Monday, so I forked over a $10 bill to pay for it. When the guy pushed the button and the drawer on the register popped out, he looked at me and said, “Uh…. I don’t have a till.”

Wha….? You don’t have any cash in the cash register?
How is that possible?! You are a STORE! People buy things with MONEY.

Oh. I guess people don’t use cash much these days, though huh? We all just swipe our debit cards.

I had my card in my wallet. I could have whipped it out very easily and sped the process up.

But I was feeling particularly old and bitchy, so I stood there for five minutes and waited while the manager came over, verified there was no till and radioed to the back for someone one bring up a till. A few minutes later, a bored twenty year old shuffled up in her Uggs, sighed and dropped the till in the drawer.

So sorry to have taken you away from the CosmoGirl you were probably reading in the back, but mama’s got shoppin’ to do, missy!

I had almost forgotten that incident, but then at work today, yet another I'm-so-old moment popped up.

I need to get some software installed on my computer, as well as a couple of other computers, so I filled out a form for each of them. The form is a PDF file, so I typed everything in, printed out the forms, and forwarded them by interoffice mail.

I just got a call from the IT department. They can’t use the paper forms. I need to hit the “Submit” button that was actually on the form, so it would get routed to the appropriate person based on the location of the computer that needs the software.

My mouth fell open.

“We’re all within 25 feet of each other. Give all of the forms to the guy who handles our floor.”

Helpdesk dude: “I can’t do that. The forms have to be sent electronically so they get routed the correct person.”

“Do you know who that person is?”

HDD: “Yes.”

“Then can you route, i.e. “walk”, the forms over to that person and hand them to him?”

HDD: “I can’t. The forms need to come electronically.”

“Are you freakin’ kidding me? I have to fill out those forms again just so I can hit the little “Submit” button? You can’t just look at the paper forms? Just look at the location. That’s all you need!”

HDD: “We need them electronically.”

“Fine, I’ll scan them, so I don’t have to type everything again, four times, and send you the PDF in an email. Should I send it to Helpdesk, or the specific person?”

HDD: “You have to hit the “Submit” button on the form so it gets routed to the correct person.”

I hung up.

When, exactly, was it was declared that you couldn’t work off a paper form and a cash register didn’t need to have cash in it?

I must have been napping.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a chin hair that need plucking.