“I Look Like Meringue”

- words that were uttered, by me, on Sunday as I finally squeezed my tush into some wedding dresses. Ten wedding dresses, to be exact.

And the range of emotions was exhausting.

joy – I’m getting married!
panic – I’m getting married!
giddiness – I finally get to put on these beautiful, albeit, heavy gowns!
fear – What if they don’t zip up? What if I look fat?
overwhelmed – I only have an hour to look through all of these?
flushed – Holy crap, how do I get out of this thing?! Is it hot in here?!

I’m not going to lie to you. There may have been tears at one point. Tears of happiness or tears of stress, I’m not sure.

The choosing part wasn’t very hard. I have a very particular style in mind, so I stuck to that. Well, until Kim pulled out a mermaid shaped dress without knowing it and I didn’t know it until I couldn’t get it up over my voluptuous child bearing hips. I was grunting in the dressing room and the little helper girl asked if everything was okay.

I said “I don’t think so. I think this one is broken.”
She took a peek and said, “Oh, that’s a mermaid style”.

I hollered to Kim that she was fired.

Other than that, Kim and Jamie did a great job of picking stuff out for me. Each time I’d come out of the dressing room, they had another one for me to try on.

However, at one point, early on, I came out and both of them were engrossed in a group of dresses near the mirrors. I walked over, climbed up on the little podium and stood there, hands on hips, ready for them to ooh and aah, but they didn’t even hear me.

Until I said, “Ladies! Focus!”

From that point on, as soon as I’d come out of the dressing room, I’d hear one of them say “Oh, she’s out! Let’s go!” Gotta keep my gals on their toes.

Despite my gloomy and blah mood, I did have fun. The mimosa beforehand helped alittle. And it’s such a surreal feeling to stand in front of a bunch of mirrors, in this huge, fluffy, sparkly dress. You really do feel like a princess. Even without any make up on and your wet hair up in a messy bun.

I’m looking forward to our next trip in a couple of weeks. I think I’ll have more fun this time. There won’t be a looming doctor’s appointment to worry about.