Monday, November 24, 2008

Mushy Post - Don't Get Used To It

Every now and then, I look at TBBE and I see him through the eyes of that woman who went to his house on her lunch break, to merely audition for him. I remember him opening the door and I was staring at his chest. I had to crane my neck to look at his face. He was huge.

Then my attention was replaced by a dog. A dog that was very anxious to get to me. Todd had him by the collar and was pulling him back as I was coming in. I couldn’t take my eyes off the dog.

(Did I mention I was attacked by a dog when I was 14? A 100 pound chow. He got my arm and my leg in two spots. I have nice scars to show for it. So, needless to say, I’m a bit leery around dogs when they’re coming at me. Even if it’s just to sniff my crotch.)

Todd was holding the dog back and he asked, very casually, “You’re okay with dogs, right?” And I said, very bluntly, “No.” He was surprised. No one really says no.

The he remembers sending Wiley to his kennel, but I remember Wiley licking my feet (and me trying to outwardly cringe) while I was playing.

But the very clear memory we both have is nervousness and trying hard to form complete sentences. I remember Todd getting me a glass of water and then going back to the family room, but I thought he was just going to get a guitar so I was waiting in the front room until I heard him holler, “You can come back here.” I remember my voice shaking and my hands sweating when I was playing, and that I skipped two verses in my own song because I just wanted it to be over. I remember him playing and singing “Goodnight My Love”, with his eyes closed. I remember telling him that my friend gave me a hard time about answering a Craigslist ad by saying “Ahhh, you’re gonna meet your next boyfriend!” because I met my last boyfriend through a Stranger ad.

And I remember that when I was leaving and grabbing my coat and my purse and all the swag he had given me, he leaned down and gave me a hug. I had to stand on my tiptoes to hug him back.

When I got back to work, Nichole emailed me and asked how it went. I replied with, “Good. He's cute. Really cute. Really tall. Hugged me goodbye. Might be a problem. I can't stop grinning.”

I looked at Todd last night as we were leaving QFC after our weekly grocery shopping trip, and had that brief, fleeting thought of “How did I get here?” I just wanted to play music again. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. I wasn’t looking for a family. I just wanted to play music.

And now I live with this man, and his kids. His daughter tells me she loves me when we say goodnight and his son asks me for permission to go to a friend’s house.

“And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?” – Talking Heads

Oh, but I’m so glad I’m here. And this past weekend just calmed all of my fears and took away any doubts I ever had. Todd and I laughed until my back and my throat hurt and I couldn’t seem to take my hand off of his arm. And there was no over thinking things. There were no heavy discussions. We just had fun.

And it was wonderful.

Okay, back to your normal, cranky, sarcastic blog about boots.


Heather said...

Sniff...that post just brought tears to my eyes.

You find the best things when you aren't looking for them.

creth95 said...

Yups. Love finds you, not the other way around. :)


Lucy Leadskin said...

Sweetest. Post. Ever. :D