Monday, July 14, 2008

Weekend Update

So, where did we leave off?

Right. Got back to Seattle Thursday night and was picked up by Todd and two very excited children. I think they missed me.

And found this photo on my camera, which I had left behind.

Ruby got a bath. I don't know if the kids helped, but they sure look proud of someone's work, don't they?

Swigged some good cough syrup, updated Todd on the trip, and went to sleep. And slept really hard. Finally.

Then came Friday. My very last vacation day.

Sniff.

Todd, Kayleigh and I got some Starbucks, shopped around a little, then K and I came to my apartment to switch out vacation clothes for Seattle clothes. Then Todd and I spent some quality adult time (sans children) that night.

And I got a call from Daniela! She and Sergio were in town for a few days, so we made a plan to meet up Saturday evening.

Saturday was completely unproductive. It was beautiful out, but Todd and I couldn't seem to get motivated to do much of anything. And it was wonderful.

That evening, we had dinner with D & S.

Jonah & Daniela

Oliver (aka Diego) & Sergio

Kayleigh was enjoying baby time as well.

That evening, we were all tired, so we lounged and watched "Batman Begins" since I haven't seen it and we're going to see "The Dark Knight" when it comes out. My opinion? I don't think I'm a big Christian Bale fan. Something about him. And I think I'm so used to Tim Burton's Batman movies (over the top and comic book like), that this one just seemed boring. I'm still looking forward to "The Dark Knight" though.

Anywho.

Sunday, I had every intention of leaving Todd's early so I could spend some time in my own space. I haven't been home in over a week and I miss my space. I miss my smells. And you know how sensitive I am about smells.

Slight tangent:

The word "hyperosmia" is one of the top google searches that leads to my blog. There are a lot of people out there who want to know what this word means. And when you google the word, my blog comes up on the second page of results.

And one of the other top searches that leads to my blog are the phrases "alone vs lonely" or "how to deal with being alone". There are quite a few people who are wondering how to deal with loneliness. And to these people, I give you a hug. It sucks being lonely. But it gets better. Reach out to your friends who keep calling and emailing. They wouldn't offer to comfort you if they didn't want to. I tried the whole don't-inconvenience-anyone-when-I'm-sad-because-that-makes-me-dependent and that was just plain stupid. It just made life worse. My friends offered to come over and comfort me and I kept saying "No, no, I'll be fine. Really."

But you know what? As soon as I just started giving in and letting them comfort me, it got better. And it doesn't make you dependent. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong. Because you have the courage to ask for help. Sounds weird, but it's true. Trust me.

Where was I?

Oh yes. I had every intention of going home early yesterday, but after brunch with Todd's brother and his wife, a nap was much needed (freakin' crows squawking at 6am). Then I got all clingy and cuddly and well, I finally left at 6:30pm.

Clingy and cuddly is a good thing. I have quite the wall up. Todd and I are both well aware of this. I've been kicked in the gut a few times this past year (and I haven't blogged about it so you'll just have to take my word for it) by men who said all the right things and promised all the right things, just when I was broken enough to believe it. My friends told me it was wrong. They tried to warn me. But I didn't listen because I wanted so very badly to believe that it was right.

So, I have a wall up. And I'm hesitant to trust my instincts, because they've let me down in a major way recently. But little by little, the bricks are falling out of the wall. Little by little I'm starting to trust in a good thing. All signs point to happy. For me to step out from behind the wall to be clingy and cuddly is a big step. And it made for a fantastic weekend.

1 comment:

tbone said...

You should listen to your friends more often. ;)