Gee, Thanks

It's weird to be sitting here in my own apartment without a damn thing to do. For the past six years, I've spent Thanksgiving eve in the grocery store, freaking out, then in the kitchen, freaking out. Steve would make yams, I would make greenbean casserole. We'd sleep in on Thanksgiving day, then be out at his family's around noon.

Tomorrow I will be at Shaun's, eating potroast, greenbean casserole and cheesecake. I could have made a turkey, but it's a lot of work for just two people. So, potroast it is.

Everything is so different. My life is so different. And I'm not sure I like it too much right now. So this is my attempt to be positive and, for a brief period, not dwell on the shit that is my life.

What am I thankful for?

• Tissues with lotion. I'm going through them like....well.....tissues.
• Coldplay and the song Fix You. "Tears stream down your face, I promise you I will learn from the mistakes"
• My bathroom. Because it looks beautiful in the candlelight when I'm taking a bubble bath. As do my pretty, red toenails.
• All of the people who invited me to their Thanksgiving dinner because they knew this was the first one without Steve.
• My Sheauns. For more things than I could possibly ever list here.
• The cards that my family members are sending me telling me things will get better.
• Chocolate covered cherries.
• Steve. For still being my friend.
• The nurse at work who looks like mom and lets me hug her when I'm sad.
• The pretty pink pills that my doctor prescribed yesterday to help me to stop crying and maybe even sleep through the night.
• Wendy. For saying the F word a lot with me while she was here (and on the phone this afternoon). She understands how therapeudic it is.
• The quarter I found in my jewelry box, of all places. It's laundry day and I was one measly quarter short.
• Seinfeld. Because no matter how bad I'm feeling, it will make me laugh. Without a doubt.
• Crazy Aunt Purl's blog. Someone forwarded it to me and I'm addicted. She's written about every emotion I've gone through for the last few months. I don't know her, but I know her.

I'm sure there's more I could list, if I felt like sitting on this really hard dining room chair for a little longer. But my tush hurts and the couch is calling me. It's almost time for Seinfeld.

Happy Turkey Day.
Gobble gobble.