Friday, September 17, 2010

Passionless



It has come to my attention, via therapists and Todd, that I am currently passionless. 

When asked last night what my passions were, rather than answering music, singing, dancing, writing, organizing or hell, even shopping……I cried. 

I have no passion right now.  We’re not planning a wedding or a move or a sale.  I’m not playing music, I’m not organizing, I’m not planning anything.  I’m bored.  Yes, I’m busy in the evenings (dinner, clean up, laundry, Facebook, movies) but I’m bored.  I need something to keep me awake, to make my heart pump with enthusiasm, to distract me during the day.

I think about when I’m happy.  Yes, when Tom is laying on me, but I can’t really make a “project” out of that, now can I? 

I was happy when we were shooting the Wolverine video.  I was cranky, too, because I was getting up at 7 am on Saturdays and Sundays, but I was around people I absolutely adored and who made me laugh and I was working toward something that was going to be awesome.  I was helping to create with my husband.  That was wonderful.

I was happy (albeit FREAKING OUT) when we were moving and planning the wedding and working on the house.  I didn’t have a spare minute to be bored.  I always had something to do, to work on, to think about.

I was happy when I was planning for everyone to come into town for the wedding.  Booking bed and breakfasts, organizing who should go where, making itineraries, drawing up maps.  Planning to make someone else’s stay in our city enjoyable.

I’m happy when I’m writing.  Let me rephrase that – I’m happy when I have something interesting or funny to share with you and I have time to sit and write it.  (And then I crack up when I re-read it because I think I’m so damn funny)

I’m happy when I’m making people laugh.  Like Mr. Cranky Non-Decorating Co-Worker.  I live to make him laugh.  He was out all last week, and I actually thought about decorating my cube for Christmas over the weekend, so when he returned on Monday, he would literally throw up.  His reaction would be so worth it.

So that’s my homework for this week – to find a project.  Find something that gives me focus and joy and brings energy into my life, rather than sucking energy out.

Sigh.

Any suggestions?


6 comments:

Cole said...

I need help, you need a project. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship :)

TrishLoyd said...

First thing I thought of? You would make the most kick-ass wedding planner! I mean seriously! If Dan and I were getting married now, I'd get down on my knees and beg you to be my wedding planner.
Just a thought.
Love you sweetie, so much. You'll find it, the passionate thing I know it.
Oh, another thing? You would make a great, awesome, stupendous Producer! I mean you have the skill set in spades.
Oh yeah, one more thing? You are a fabulous, amazing, over the top awesome wife and mother. : )

TD said...

What Trish said. Love you!

Jess said...

You need to switch careers--an event planner of some sort or producer type job sounds ideal for you.

A good producer is worth a lot and used in so many industries!

Take some college courses?

Jess (who you don't know :) a friend of Todd's)

Dennis Kleinsmith said...

Become an Agent! It requires all the skills of a producer, planner and performer and works best when you make folks laugh. You can not only promote Todd's (and your own) work but have the inside track to help him shape it. And maybe even some friends as well....?

Lucy Leadskin said...

YES YES YES to all of the above. Failing that, want to come down here to San Jose and help us clean/organize our garage?

xo!